this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2023
448 points (92.1% liked)

Showerthoughts

30038 readers
712 users here now

A "Showerthought" is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you're doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. A showerthought should offer a unique perspective on an ordinary part of life.

Rules

  1. All posts must be showerthoughts
  2. The entire showerthought must be in the title
  3. Avoid politics
    • 3.1) NEW RULE as of 5 Nov 2024, trying it out
    • 3.2) Political posts often end up being circle jerks (not offering unique perspective) or enflaming (too much work for mods).
    • 3.3) Try c/politicaldiscussion, volunteer as a mod here, or start your own community.
  4. Posts must be original/unique
  5. Adhere to Lemmy's Code of Conduct

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Right now there is a loneliness epidemic throughout the world. More and more people aren't entering relationships. Gen Z men are having significant trouble dating while there are some economic factors in the mix. From my own view and experiences combined with what I've read most Gen Z men are lack the social and communication skills to even enter a relationship. This has and in the future will lead to extreme issues. There's already been a marked rise in hostility towards women by young men (think Andrew Tate and his ilk) that's likely born out of this frustration. I would definitely say there's been a rise in gender hostility ever since the pandemic.

Back in the 50s there was arranged marriages. All a person had to do was just show but now that's gone because it was an unequal system and I think society missed its chance to establish something much healthier and better in its wake. Now we have people that are unable to connect with each other. We just toss people blindly into the mess that is human interaction and relationships and no one knows what to do anymore. We could be have the most fulfilling relationships humans have ever had. Think of the amount of people who would of never have entered abusive relationships had there been someone around them that showed them what love exactly is.

The way we teach is so heavily focused on teaching people how to be worker drones that we forget the human part of the person. This is why a lot of people who do extreme well in school and college fare so poorly in relationships and have higher rates of depression. We are the most educated and advanced in human history, we know psychology, we can teach this shit rather than tossing people blindly into the meat grinder.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] seaQueue 86 points 1 year ago (7 children)

Can we just restate this as: "A lot of society's problems could be avoided if parents actually put in effort to parent their children" ?

[–] Zippy 20 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Possibly. How about the reality that people are simply not interacting in person but online. I can't believe this is not the first post.

Seriously go out to a bar, a music festival, volunteer, hell get drunk a few times and loosen up. In the 70, 80, 90 right up till 2000 this was every weekend. Hell it is not some work drone thing. That is an excuse. Work later in life is where you actually might meet some friends and from there have drinks after work and maybe that results in a random meeting with some ladies or men in your life.

School won't teach this. Life skills need practice not exams.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

While true, only one of those things you listed don’t require money, and tbh even volunteering is hard when you have to work 2-3 jobs to get by.

Kids and adults these days don’t have 3rd places to just relax and hang out anymore. The internet is arguably the cheapest way to hang out.

[–] Zippy -5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sorry but our parents worked more than us and their parents worked more then them. Few people I know work weekends or don't get two days a week off. Your parents worked normal 8 hours day then they went home and worked on their cars and houses and basically did another 4 hours a day doing of jobs. Their parents went one step further and built their own houses often or helped build them and grew alot of their own food.

We might work similar or more formal hours but we work far less informal hours that at any period in history. So that does not hold much water to me.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

This is only true of certain segments of the working class, mainly the white collar workers located in Western countries. As we see wealth inequality increase globally, I don’t think it’s fair to say every single person is working less.

Also legality aside, kids generally don’t have money to go to bars, restaurants, or music festivals.

[–] Zippy -4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If course not every single person is working less but overall we are all working less. Quite a bit less.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

This is not true actually. There was a miss-interpreted study that calculated a lower average in working hours but that was because they didn't consider that many women work part-time. Which lowered the average working hours.

When you look at households, though, the number of working hours is much higher. And that does have an influence.

I am an older person and I can still remember that my mother organised all social occasions of our family. We had big family gatherings regularly, coffee and cake every Sunday, activities in the local community and at schools, etc. This was all organised by the women who did not have jobs. Who is supposed to do all this today?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Rewrite it for someone who doesn't drink.

[–] Zippy 8 points 1 year ago

You don't drink? Just eat food. I joke a bit but I know many people that go to bars just for the music and social and a coke.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Seriously go out to a bar, a music festival, volunteer, hell get drunk

As a non-drinker I find it interesting that 2 out of these 3 things require the use of a drug. (Yes I know, you can order water at bars, but I doubt that was the point of that statement.)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Okay first of all, how many activities am I holding up?

Seriously go out to a bar, a music festival, volunteer, hell get drunk

[–] Zippy 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You have to have alcohol to go to a bar?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Technically not, but it would feel a bit like a 'socially taboo' to not drink

Idk I'd at least put it as slightly awkward, like going to a bowling alley and not bowl, sure you can be social, but it's weird to not join in

[–] Zippy 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Think you need to get out more. Few people bat an eye if you don't drink alcohol in a bar. Lots go for the music alone is it is a live band. It just some wings after work.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Never said anyone would confront you about it. I'm also with you, live music is different, but that's not something I have seen much at bars where I'm from

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

No amount of reasonable legislation can force parents to teach this stuff. Doing it through schools is infinitely easier.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

It also helps provide a social standard that anyone can relate to. Seems weird to demand that parents should be the ones solely responsible to make sure their children are able to socialize properly. That just means they're main reference for socializing is just their parents.

[–] [email protected] -3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Not everything has to be legislation

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

What alternative do you suggest that will be effective enough to not alienate children with parents who refuse to listen or think rationally?

[–] Leg 5 points 1 year ago

Considering the sheer amount of time people spend in schools during essentially all of their formative years, it'd be a terrible idea not to implement legislation that could prevent maladaptive behaviors in our populace. Schools are already affected by legislation via the Mindless Drone Initiative established by our industrial forefathers. We might as well update things to make it a Healthy Human Endeavor instead. Finger-wagging at imaginary parents is going to do fuck all by comparison.

[–] captainlezbian 10 points 1 year ago

I think it’s not just that. I think part of it is overparenting. Part of these skills can only come from trying to practice these skills

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Bad parents exist. Should their kids just be doomed then?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

No, their kids should not be doomed. However they are unless those bad parents get better.

[–] blanketswithsmallpox 3 points 1 year ago

Fwiw we are learning more and more that most of what makes an adult isn't nurture at all. It's almost all nature.

Helicopter or hands-off parenting? The choice won't impact a kid as much as you think. August 11, 20239:23 AM

https://www.npr.org/transcripts/1193176710

Also, great parents still end up with perfectly shit children all the time.

People online just love playing the blame game on others for an individuals actions though lmfao. Poor upbringing, neglect, trauma, all of that is only one part of explaining someone's actions. It doesn't remove the responsibility and free will of the person commiting them lol.

https://www.npr.org/2010/07/15/128542130/sometimes-good-parents-produce-bad-kids

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

The influence of parenting is extremely overestimated. I think that is also a symptom of a society where people are reluctant to take on responsibility for themselves. Which is also a reason why people lack community because both (responsibility for oneself and functioning relationships) rely on introspection.