this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2023
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Showerthoughts
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I think there is no reason to not lie at your resume while you are confident you can do the task. Most jobs out there are pretty BS anyway.
My resume is almost entirely truthful.
And the parts that are even slightly untruthful are stupid little things that would require explanation, like the fact that I had a bunch of different jobs when I was in my early twenties and sorting myself out.
There's no need for me to go into the long and drawn out process of explaining my personal circumstances from years ago that are no longer relevant and have no impact or bearing on my ability to do the job or be an effective and useful team member.
The one part where I do practically fabricate information out of whole cloth is when discussing salaries.
If you were to ask me what my current salary is I would tell you a number that is based on my current salary and the value of my 401k and the value of my PTO and the value of my convenient commute to work and the value of the people that I work with and the circumstances that I find myself in all rolled into one.
My current salary is what my current job is worth to me that somebody else would have to pay me in order to get me to leave it.
If I relay that information to you and then you beat that salary offer by several percent then we might have a deal.
Question, how do you cover up having lots of different jobs? Just not put them on the list? I'm at that stage in my life right now and am slightly worried a lot of different jobs looks bad on paper
I personally have gone the route of having a full resume that includes all the details of my employment history, and then I'll use that as a basis for creating a specialized 2-page resume for the job I'm after.
i.e. if I won't be working with animals then I won't put down employment at a dog groomers. If I won't be cleaning, then I won't write "custodian" on the 2-page resume. I do however leave anything that includes certification, management, or other merits. Or anything relevant to the job I'm applying for.
From there, I just adjust the dates to fill in long gaps between employment. I still leave a few weeks or months between job titles so if they ask during an interview, then I can go over the jobs not included in my resume and blab about "finding my true passion in employment" and all that other fake shit. I do not dream of labor.
In my specific case, the longest job I worked was for 4 years with a company that went out of business.
I became friends with the manager and was pretty close to his right hand man during the course of the businesses operation, but the time that I work for him was split up so I asked him if it was okay if he got a call for a job check to say that I had worked for him for that entire time period and he agreed, so that covered seven years of job hoppery as all one cohesive thing.
After I got my first big boy post college job they never really checked past the time I spent working there so it was just enough to get me through the door so I'd have a chance to prove myself and once I had proved myself I was clear.
You get it.
Is just a way to navigate the corporate landscape. Most of that is bullshit, just a suit, a happy face and some specific knowledge that helps you get an edge and you are done baby. If you've got a portfolio, even better.
Unless you get caught. We were supposed to interview someone the other day, so I googled him, and found out that his resume and LinkedIn job histories don't match. That lead me down a rabbit hole where I found out he is working multiple full time jobs simultaneously while most likely farming the work offshore, and his job titles were completely wrong inaccurate on both LinkedIn and how resume. Also the references he listed appear to be himself, as their job history is also not real.
Not only did his interview get cancelled, he's marked as non-hireable in the future.
I wonder what that would look like if the roles were reversed: ie. the posted job description didn't match the internal listing, and only after doing some amateur sleuthing did one find that the same corp has been playing a shell game with major contracts, covering up their overseas labor, and they've got sympathetic chairs on each "oversight" org in their sector.
That'd just be another day like any other, though. 🤷🏼♂️
Okay, that's a whole other level of wrong and also kinda awesome. I feel like it's one of those times where you yell and be very stern with a child in front of other people but once you two are alone you high five them and have a laugh about it.
Honestly, if you've got it down to that point then you might as well start an MSP and do it legitimately rather than nickel and dime yourself working 12 concurrent jobs or whatever.
The recruiter is who I want to yell at. Her whole job is to find real candidates, and I was able to figure out in 5 minutes that something was off about the guy just from comparing LinkedIn and his resume, and then doing a quick Google search with his name + employers.
Honestly, the guy was just playing the game corporations have been setting up and playing for decades.
I've got so many freelance jobs in my past this way. It is terrible, I agree. But most recruiters only care if the job is done, no matter who does it.
This guy was able to work several jobs at once and none of the companies found out.
I mean....that takes talent and dedication. I'd hire him.
Most of the jobs were short term, I'd guess they did find out, or the performance was subpar and they fired him at the end of his probationary period.