this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2023
159 points (97.0% liked)
Asklemmy
42523 readers
930 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy ๐
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Do you really love this person? I mean really, like truly. Cuz you have to realize that this will most probably be like the rest of your life.
I did a similar mistake, married the wrong person out of pitty for her (I wanted to help her). Do understand, people don't change, at least not at the age of 25 and above (I assume you're both not in your teens). Damaged goods is not something I'd be willing to accept again as my life partner. Now I'm stuck with her for the next 15 years or so, till the kid grows up.
Think about having children with this person long and hard and whether you could endure that with a person like that. Marriages come and go, you 2 could get divorced, no harm no faul, but children are for life.
Strong disagree on people not changing, my partners brother was a heavy alcoholic at 30 and he's now 5 years sober and has children and hasn't touched a drop. He relapsed in his first week and nearly died.
People can change, they just have to want to. Of course this isn't applicable to all but generalising your situation to everyone isn't helpful to people in these positions.
On the flip side so show that I understand people not changing, her uncle has currently lost his family and maybe soon his job. Every time the kids are due to be with him he's completely shitfaced and the adult dropping them off refuses to give them to him in that condition and that still isn't enough for him to want to change. I bet he has seen his own children for over a year. He is constantly lying and we think he owes money to people because he's usually in a bit of a roughed up state. It's sad but until he wants it there's nothing anyone can do.
Her brother is still a testament to the way people can better themselves though.
Thank you for this, I know she can get through this and come out okay on the other side. I hope she doesn't have to almost die for that to happen though