this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2023
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Does anyone else hyperfocus on a friendship? (sopuli.xyz)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/autism
33 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

When I make a new friend online and we hang out a lot in a short space of time, I find myself hyperfocusing on wanting to interact with them. I try my best to hold myself back to what would be an acceptable level. It gets to a point where I feel like almost nothing else matters but their next response.

Does anyone else have this? If so, is there a coping technique I can do to reduce it or make it more bearable?

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Hobbies help a bit, but the problem is they start to give my brain less and less value when I have a new favourite person so to speak.

[–] mbgid 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Yeah, I understand that. I haven't found an easy solution to that.

With hobbies, the thing I've found most useful is to set a structure of making that time for myself to do the thing I enjoy. Even if it's just an hour or two, one evening a week. That way I've mentally created the space where I can say "that time is for me, to do my hobby". Sticking with it, even if I think "I'd rather be with my favourite person at this time" helps add some balance (plus it's a defence against that feeling of neglecting myself when I'm hyperfocused on someone else).

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's a good idea, unfortunately I have trouble sticking to times unless I'm letting someone else down

[–] mbgid 2 points 1 year ago

Well I don't know if it helps, but the way I think of that is that if I didn't stick to the times, I'd be letting me down.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sounds like a good thing to be honest

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My hobbies losing value is a good thing?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sorry I misread that. Thought you said hobbies cause you to place less thoughts on friendship

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Oh I can see that, my bad.