You could be right. I know I’m not supposed to say that but there are cases where things really never do get better.

Thing is, we will all die someday. I don’t know what you’re going through so I can’t say whether you should keep suffering through it for the chance of a better life someday. I can’t say whether a better life even is enough to make up for the suffering you must be feeling now. But I know with certainty that someday the suffering will end.

If it will end anyway, maybe it’s worth seeing a little bit more. Life changes so fast, even if just because we as a species are constantly making changes. And while you could save what seems like unbearable anguish… it all ends eventually anyway, and in death you won’t remember the extra pain. Objectively it’s better to try.

Waiting and seeing isn’t a permanent decision either. I wouldn’t want you to suffer for nothing just because I don’t think you should do this. I just genuinely think there may be more for you, and since you are guaranteed to escape the suffering, it might be worth it to do so in life.

I won’t pretend I know what you feel. My life is what most would consider privileged and I have never known pain like the type you’re exuding. But I have often felt the pull towards escape— like I said, we all die someday. It’s not that I want to die, simply that in a thousand years none of us will have mattered and I’ve had things I don’t want to really live through as well. In the least suicidal way possible, I have wondered why I should keep going when so many bad things could happen and it wouldn’t really matter if I lived or died anyway.

This thinking is all I have. A vague desire to see the future and what becomes of it, since it doesn’t matter either way. I find happiness where I can and that’s enough. For me, that’s hobbies like pens or food or travel. I’m not saying to do those, or that you even have the resources to, but more to try things until you find something you do like. You have nothing to lose. If you’re about to die, none of your non-mental problems can touch you anymore. Unless you’re facing jail time or other confinement.

Whatever you bought, maybe you can use it for something more fun. Could help. Helium? Fill some balloons and hand them to strangers. Who cares if they think you’re weird, you have nothing to lose. Then go live like nothing matters and see if you can find something that will leave you in a happier place for when you do eventually come to a close. Why not?

I can’t make this decision for you, though I wish I could. I just hope you see it my way for now, as unhelpful as this likely was. Sadly I don’t have the positivity of the typical “don’t do it” response and no one else is saying anything, so I’ll try in whatever way I can while you’re still on this site. Feel free to hit me up and talk about what you’re dealing with, I’m clearly not helpful but sometimes discussion alone alleviates some of the burden.