[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

Yeah, but it's easier when you start where I did. I grew up in a dirty, dangerous shack with parents who resented my existence. Things didn't get good until quite recently (I'm 34) but they have always gotten better. Abandoning my whole life and leaving my family behind sucked. It hurt, and it was hard. But it was better than living as an abused adult. Hiding isolated in a shithole town where nobody would ever come to know or appreciate me sucked. It was many dark years of self destruction and loathing and putting myself in increasing danger. But it was a safe isolation within which I could make sense of my position and right myself, start to understand and make myself. Being driven out of that town when a combination of social and personal changes made it incredibly dangerous for me to be there sucked. It was terrifying. Two years later, I'm still fighting with the default hypervigilance that period in my life reignited. To this day a severe altercation can put me back in "there's definitely a wolf in this room" mode, but my life is at its best point so far. I'm finally living a contiguous, singular life as one real person. My split timeline has collapsed in both directions. I have real friends who know and care about me. Today I am depressed, but overall I've never felt or looked better in my life. I'm a high performance individual. I started my life at a severe disadvantage, but I've been moving faster than my peers since I escaped the people and places of my truama. Now I've surpassed many of them.

Fight for improvement every day. Learn to see what matters and abandon what doesn't. Put yourself first. Attend and nurture your ego. Learn what you need to be happy. Build your life towards those things. It must be like gulping a hot iron ball which you can neither swallow nor spit out.