ADHD

9746 readers

6 users here now

A casual community for people with ADHD

Values:

Acceptance, Openness, Understanding, Equality, Reciprocity.

Rules:

No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments.
No porn, gore, spam, or advertisements allowed.
Do not request for donations.
Do not link to other social media or paywalled content.
Do not gatekeep or diagnose.
Mark NSFW content accordingly.
No racism, homophobia, sexism, ableism, or ageism.
Respectful venting, including dealing with oppressive neurotypical culture, is okay.
Discussing other neurological problems like autism, anxiety, ptsd, and brain injury are allowed.
Discussions regarding medication are allowed as long as you are describing your own situation and not telling others what to do (only qualified medical practitioners can prescribe medication).

Encouraged:

Funny memes.
Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
Questions on confusing situations.
Seeking and sharing support.
Engagement in our values.

Relevant Lemmy communities:

Neurodivergent Life Hacks

lemmy.world/c/adhd will happily promote other ND communities as long as said communities demonstrate that they share our values.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

MrPoopyButthole

[email protected]

How to plan something with someone who doesn't have ADHD? (self.adhd)

submitted 1 year ago by Relic5646 to c/adhd

14 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I have ADHD and my partner does not. When we were planning our wedding it was really difficult because she would do most of the planning (because I wasn't doing it and someone had to and she loves planning), but when we needed to plan anything together it was like pulling teeth for me. I wanted to help out but it was always so difficult to get myself to actually do anything.

The same thing happens with vacation planning. Even planning a trip to somewhere I want to go can feel about as fun as doing taxes. We're currently trying to plan a trip overseas that's just in a few months, and my partner really wants to book hotels (I totally agree) but any amount of planning feels like I'm being punished, and I don't know why. I don't have any fun and my mood tanks and I just get quiet and a little irritable.

Anyone else experience this and have any suggestions? I hate leaving all of the planning to my partner, but planning on my schedule has lead to us missing things in the past.

Random thoughts, feel free to ignore: I wonder if it's partly because it's not urgent (as in what we could plan today could just as easily be planned tomorrow) vs importance thing? If we planned on "my schedule" we'd be doing things way too close to the actual date. If we set a date to vacation plan, when it comes I just treat it like a todo list item I just need to finish up so I can get back to whatever I want to do instead.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] ChexMax 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It sounds like you want planning to be fun or enjoyable. Do you think you might be better at it if you accept : this is going to suck, I'm not going to like it, but it has to get done.

If I wait to feel motivated or to think I'll enjoy something it'll just never get done.

Planning with a partner under these conditions isn't great. I end up pretty agitated and just want to get it over with. Maybe try to divide and conquer rather than plan together?

Maybe you take the less fun parts so planning doesn't ruin any of the trip for you. She can plan the fun activities, and food/reservations and you can plan the actual travel and maybe accommodations?

Another thing that helps me with this kind of thing is I'll set up my laptop and notebook right next to my relax spot on the couch. I don't have to do the work right now, I just have to get everything set up. Then, later when I'm on the couch, I'm more likely to actually do the research because I don't burn out getting everything I need / all set up.

[–] grabyourmotherskeys 4 points 1 year ago

This is how I look at things. Most of my life is not fun. It has its moments but I'm not enjoying every second. Work, responsibility, being an adult. These things happen so you can have periods of enjoyment.