this post was submitted on 29 Aug 2023
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[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation
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Just because you don't see it around you doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I'm from Portugal which has even higher divorce rates, and yet 90% of couples I know got together and stayed together and have absolutely stable family lives. The idea that it cannot be done(unless it's done with no effort) is the main reason most couples fail to do it.
I don't believe that it can't be done, it obviously can. There's just this idea that it's the natural state, or what humans are instinctively given to, and that just seems... incorrect?
If you're defining it as "is mandatory to shut down desire for other people after you pair up", of course is wrong. It's impossible.
What are you relying on for natural state? Other animals? They kill off other competitors. If humans let instincts guide their actions then there'd be more violence with emotions driving decision making than brains.
So I've reread this whole thread, and I do agree with you that monogamy is forced and unnatural, but I also accept that I am in the distinct minority there.
The important thing is that there is no one right answer. You find what works for you, and a partner who wants what you want, and you make it work.
The making it work is the key part here. I married my actual, literal best friend, and it's still a lot of work. A lot of talking, assuming good intent when they hurt you, and trusting them to care enough to have your best interests at heart.
It's not easy and you'll fuck up, and so will whoever you date, and that's okay. Life is about learning and growing, and we all, always, have more learning and growing to do.
Wishing you luck.
I'm glad you posted here, because I happened to notice while reading wikipedia that Spain and Portugal have the highest divorce rates on the world, at 84% and 94% respectively. Obviously your personal experience doesn't really align with this, but I did want to ask if anyone could help explain why the divorce rates are so high on the Iberian Peninsula.
Strongly agree. But how does that idea take hold? Has Portugal always had elevated divorce rates or is this a recent development?
I also wonder if it has any relation to the legal status of marriage and divorce. Perhaps it's less costly to obtain a divorce in comparison to other countries?
Divorce rates relate new marriages and divorces. In Portugal divorces have increased but even more importantly, new marriages have dropped a lot. That is the cause of the high divorce rate.
As to why people get divorce I’d venture a guess of economic reasons. Portuguese are quite poor, particularly in the European context, and life has gotten even harsher this last decade. That breaks a lot of people.
Natality rates are also low. Fewer babies, fewer reasons to stick together.
Still, as I said, there’s no reason to be cynical about monogamy, love and marriage. Many people make it work very well.
I see. The prolonged harsh economic conditions do make a lot of sense as a reason.
You're preaching to the choir, my friend. I totally agree.