this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2023
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Writing Tips
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+1 for using random prompt!
I can feel the frustration, anger and general kidsarefuckingstupid vibe from beyond the screen. However, to make it even more unsatisfying, you could show a more conscious decision for the kid to be dumb; Let her reach towards towards the frying pan....but to grab some jam to put on top (who even puts jam on grilled cheese?). But overall, you've definitely captured the grinding-teeth moments of raising a child (I hope I never see this IRL).
Grilled cheese with jam and ham would be a monte cristo. Underrated brunch sammy :)
Thanks for the feedback. I definitely considered adding some kid-troll, just to see how far she can push him... I couldn't quite work out how to convey Dad's frustration from 3rd person, or her teasing from 1st. Maybe a little 'was that a mischievous gleam in her eye, grabbing the spatula off the frying pan while somehow ignoring the pan itself?'
Prompt definitely helped. I feel like my big hurdle is coming up with an idea in the first place, and how to build tension around a frying pan just clicked.
Hmmm.... I'll include more prompts next time then! :D