this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2023
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Privacy
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@starlord Why does she think you could become a conspiracy theorist? I have had random non-tech people tell me that they felt like their devices are watching them or listening in.
I really can't say, we simply don't agree. I say "I'd just rather my data belongs to me and curate who I share it with" and she hears "GIANT SPACE LIZARDS ARE TRYING TO MELT THE AMAZON" and just pictures me wearing a tin-foil hat.
I once asked her "If someone was standing outside our window, watching and taking notes, would you draw the curtains?" and she spent more time arguing that the metaphor was ridiculous and irrelevant than actually rationalizing the point I was trying to make. Literally no argument I've seen works on her. She just doesn't agree.
Is it a problem that she disagrees? I said my partner respects my individual privacy choices insofar as she doesn't mock or inhibit them, but I'm certain she doesn't actually agree. She probably thinks I'm crazy too. I guess for me the important bit is that she doesn't outwardly project any of that. And in turn, I don't try to argue the merits of my beliefs with her because I think the arguing itself is often the problematic aspect as opposed to the belief.
When you persist with attempts to convince someone of something that you know they disagree with you completely on, you risk coming off as a lunatic. My partner believes in an afterlife and a God, but since she never attempts to convince me of these beliefs I am happy to just accept them. However, when other people who are religious subtly (or blatantly) try to convert me I feel annoyed and see them as nutjobs.
For most people in my life, I don't actually know if they share my beliefs. But I also don't care if they do, because many of those issues aren't relevant to our relationship. The other day I was in a thread about climate change where Poster A mentioned they had a friend who was a sceptic, and Poster B replied "why are you friends with a fuckwit?". But the way I see it, climate change is a) something I don't discuss in detail with many people I know and b) isn't relevant to what I enjoy about those relationships. So even if I were to discover that a friend from work is a climate sceptic, I wouldn't actually care. I think that's one of the keys to maintaining healthy relationships with people. Work out what is actually relevant, so even when other disagreements arise or people inevitably change, you can still appreciate the key aspects of the relationship that are still there and the real reason why you have a connection with this person.
I suppose we've reached a "agree to disagree and don't talk about it as a result" status, which I'm willing to accept, sorta choosing which hill I wanna die on, ya know?
It's just that I wish there was more support, whereas I feel instead that there's ridicule or disrespect because her standpoint comes across more as "I'm right and you are wrong so I think less of you for it."
But, focusing on the privacy topic rather than relationship advice, I really just wish there were a way for me to present her with a case that allowed her to validate my arguments and respect them, even if she doesn't agree. I think that's just asking too much because there isn't a single justification I've ever put forth with which she could understand my opinion.
No privacy supporting suggestion works with her because she simply doesn't value it. I guess I could be projecting expectations, but I think I'm valid in wanting my views respected, even if they aren't conceded.
I think protection from data breaches is the most real world, relatable case you make for digital privacy. There are tons of victims you can point to that have suffered in a way that is easily understood by even a normie. It's a much better tactic than trying to compare it to people looking though a window or some other vague/unrelated idea.