Jokes

The bartender asked him "Oi, mate. What's with the giant orange head?" While the remark was quite rude, the sheer size and distinct colour of the head had distracted the bartender from his manners.

The man with a giant orange head simply sighed. He was annoyed, but had come to terms with people reacting like this. "The short version: I was cocky. I thought I could do anything for a while, and I wear the price of my hubris on my neck. If you pour me a whiskey, I'll tell you the long version."

The bartender nodded, and began to pour a glass for the man with the giant orange head.

"I was travelling along the beach, enjoying a stroll in the sun with the ocean beside me, when I stumbled upon an oil lamp. I've seen Aladdin, so I had suspicions about what this was. Sure enough, as soon as I brushed off the sand, a djinn emerged from the lamp and offered me three-"

"A djinn?" asked the bartender, interrupting.

"Yeah, he was very strict about the name. It's basically a genie, but-"

"No, I get that bit" said the bartender, continuing to interrupt. "I just don't really believe you found a genie lamp on the beach, is all."

"My friend, look at my giant orange head" said the man with the, as described, giant orange head. "Did you think this was just genetics?"

The bartender pursed his lips, admitting defeat in silence. "Right. Sorry. My mistake. Carry on."

The man with the giant orange head waited for a moment before continuing his story. "So, I had three wishes, and I knew from the start what I wanted my first wish to be. It's a bit cliché, but I wished that I could pull out any amount of money from my pocket in exact change."

"Oh yeah?" asked the bartender, now interrupting at a more polite moment. "Mind if I test that? Your whiskey costs £3.10."

The man with the giant orange head reached into his pocket and pulled out exactly three pounds and 10 pence.

The bartender was stunned for a moment before deciding to test his powers. "Four hundred and eighty nine, uh, yen."

As before, the man with the giant orange head pulled out exactly four hundred and eighty yen, having not touched the foreign currency until now.

"Three billion pounds" said the bartender.

Once more, the man reached into his pocket and pulled out exactly three billion pounds. As soon as it was placed onto the bar, the bartender snatched it up and ran from the bar to his retirement.

Fortunately, the bartender was not the only person working that night, and another bartender approached the man with the giant orange head to ask his story. If he didn't, the joke wouldn't work.

"So, what was your second wish?" asked the second bartender, who was now the only bartender.

"I'm a weak man" admitted the man with the giant orange head, giving a large orange smile. "I wished that I could make any person I'm attracted to insanely attracted to me."

"Are you sure?" said the bartender, a little upset they did not find the man with the giant orange head attractive. "Not to be mean, but does that work when you have a giant orange head?"

The man with the giant orange head silently turned to look down the bar, spotting an incredibly attractive woman. You are likely imagining someone attractive as I write this, but your imagination is insufficient in this instance. Even the diverse and subjective opinions of billions of people tend to agree that the woman is appealing.

"Hey" called the man with the giant orange head, giving a small nod to the woman. She looked in his direction and immediately began to squirm wordlessly in her seat. She quickly excused herself to the toilet, and I will grant her privacy by not discussing her actions further.

"Alright, I'm convinced" said the bartender, blushing a little. "So, what was your third wish?"

The man with the giant orange head took a sip of his whiskey, morosely staring into the glass. "Yeah, that's where I messed up. I was riding high on the success of the first two, and I didn't really think through the implications of what I wished for next. I wished I had a giant orange head."