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You can still install Google services on GrapheneOS. It is sandboxed as user apps, so you can deny it permissions.
https://grapheneos.org/usage#sandboxed-google-play
DivestOS can use MicroG, which is a FOSS replacenent for Google services.
Neither ROM includes it by default.
Although if you can use the apps inside of a web browser, that would be better for privacy/avoiding Google.
Also not sure if you use it, but Android Auto is proprietary as well and requires Google Apps. Not compatible in Graphene due to it requiring very invasive permissions.
Divest seems interesting, if I can get around the iMessage hurdle that may very well be what I land on!
What hurdle? You can deregister here: https://selfsolve.apple.com/deregister-imessage/
The issue is more social, friends and family have refused to leave iMessage just for me.
That's to be expected. I'd just tell them where they can find you or fallback to SMS, and if they want, they can reach out. Everybody's situation is different, though.