Hey. I was told having issues controlling anger or emotions in general can be related to ADHD. I know I get WAY angrier than anyone should ever be sometimes.
Especially when injustice and ignorance come my way. I get furious beyond anything I've ever seen or heard of anyone else talk about. Maybe aside from depictions of killers or berserkers in fiction. It's not cool.
Only a few times have I gotten in trouble for it luckily and I never actually done anything more than shout the most disgusting insults at someone.
Now I do feel bad afterwards if I got angry at someone I like. But often enough I feel they fucking deserved it. If someone is an ignorant asshole willingly ruining someone's day, week or life they deserve some ruin thrown back at them. I know this might not be a good and healthy thing to think. But if someone provokes someone don't they ask to be yelled at?
I know they do this to 'win the argument' because of that imo idiotic notion that who yells first is wrong. But honestly I rarely care to be right enough for shit to matter.
I've read a few books on anger management and some techniques help a bit. But the amount of anger described in the book seems so very mild to me in comparison to what I experience and how fast it builds up. One book told me to count to three. I am ready to launch nukes before I reach 1. That won't work.
And I don't get angry at something. I have pure rage and fury, hatred and contempt for existence itself at those moments. Angry really doesn't cut it. It's scorched earth, blown it all up and piss on the ruins kind of anger.
So anyone else experience this? Any tips to deal with this shit?
Honestly, that sounds pretty normal to me. I do see this behavior everywhere (people getting angry and shouting the most disgusting insults at someone). It seems like you do have some sense of control, since I've also seen anger get physical, throwing things, destroying things, attacking people, attacking themselves, which it doesn't seem like you're doing.
Anger has a purpose. It is meant to get you to do something about problematic things. If you actually do feel like they deserved it, and you actually only shouted at them, then this really does seem like the most normal thing in the world.
To me personally, it sounds more like you have some belief put into you that all anger is bad and you shouldn't be angry ever. Then you control your anger all the time, keeping it bottled up, and then when something triggers a larger amount of anger, all the anger you bottled up over the last X amount of time gets compounded on top of the trigger for a truly strong rage.
I'm not a therapist. Like other people have already said, you should see one. I don't know where you're from, of course if you're from the US this can be hard with money and all.
If you don't mind me asking, if it is too private I understand, what's your (rough) age and sex? What is and has been your parental situation? Have they not said anything about this/helped at all, or are you old enough that they're out of the picture?
I get angry quite often so I don't really feel it is bottled up. More like there is an infinite amount of it.
As for age and all basically they are out of the picture.
I feel like it's also getting worse with age. Maybe I'm becoming more bitter and cynical as I experience life and the world around me.
And while I so far have always been able to not do more than yell. It has been close a few times.
I don't think anger is bad. It shows you when something is wrong for you. But the intensity is too much almost all the time.