this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2023
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my friend, please do not blame yourself. it is incredibly difficult supporting a partner who is unwell, you are not at fault for the fight; you were expressing your concerns and looking for the feeling of partnership from your partner, to feel that it is you and them against the problem. however, she is obviously very stressed and unwell, but that isn't an excuse to treat you like the problem. please take time to evaluate whether her goals and your goals align, and whether there may be support for therapy for both you and her, individually. usually a person who has been hospitalised for as long as her, ought to have therapy to deal with the depression of it. sorry for the text-wall, i just hate the idea of you giving so damn much to help her, only for her to make you feel this way.
edit: i have made some assumptions, and I apologise for being presumptuous.
I don’t know. I was trying so hard to try and help that I made things worse.
I think I have about 25 mins now to find a way to borrow 150 to help my partner.
She is very stressed and has plenty of health complications. Emotionally she’s at her wits end and I guess doesn’t have much tolerance for certain things.
I don’t know if I ever thought of the goals. I want her to be healthy and to recover from her Illness and I want to provide for whatever comes up.
I want us to be together as well but that’s impossible with her being in hospital for the last 3 years.
I don’t know if she’ll take to therapy but she probably may need someone to talk things out with.
I don’t know. I probably need someone to talk to as well.
If my work didn’t stuff up the prefill stuff I could have gotten my tax return back by now.
I hope I am not misinterpreting, but why is there an urgency to immediately get $150? Is it related to the medical costs? In hospital the Medicare system should be taking care of it. I’m worried for the emotional stress you are getting, and having this happen regularly would be enormously stressful. I don’t want to overstep, but your relationship to me sounds almost emotionally abusive. You just seem so very down on yourself, and blaming yourself for everything. Maybe next time you visit your partner take someone with you? To help you broach some of the difficult topics? Three years in hospital would put an enormous strain in a relationship and mental health on both partners. Sending you virtual support and good wishes for you to find a way forward.
The urgency was because they wouldn’t let us book her in for surgery without us having the means to get the medication afterwards.
At the very least it’s very volatile and when she doesn’t get the support she needs or wants from me she’s very quick to turn things but it’s not helped by me injecting myself into it by telling her how stressed I am about the whole thing.
Part of the strain comes from that we haven’t seen each other in 3 years. I’m not allowed as a visitor because of her cancer treatment and recovery and the ward she is in at the hospital which doesn’t allow for visitors.
What hospital is she in that doesn't allow visitors?
Alfred hospital Oncology ward
That's pretty tough going. I hate saying this I really do but have you rang the oncology ward and asked to speak to someone about your partner because 3 years in a hospital without visitors seems a little far fetched. I'm really sorry to say that because I like you but something doesn't add up. I hope I'm wrong.
I have rung the hospital in the past about visitors into that ward but they don’t allow visitors into there.
Have you ever specifically asked if your partner is there and asked how she's doing recently?
No. I didn’t think to ask at the time.
I think you should call the landline phone at the hospitals oncology ward tomorrow and ask to speak to someone who is in charge of your partner because you're worried about her mental health.