Have an aunt who has only ever lived with women. I was always told it was her roommate. Everyone refers to her as a roommate. They BOUGHT THE HOUSE TOGETHER. Have dogs together. Raise the other ones kids together.
When I was like 17, and openly gay, I straight up asked my grandmother if her sister was a lesbian. She said no they're just roommates and got super specific about it. I asked my aunt a couple weeks later when I saw her and she went "Well, yeah. Do I not wear enough flannel?"
Aint no way they dont know. They just lie to themselves and others because they think that being gay is something to be ashamed of. There is no way people are this oblivious for decades.
You don't understand what being gay meant just 3-decades ago. FFS, Freddie Mercury, Elton John and Rob Halford weren't talked of as gay, how insulting! They were flamboyant, light in the loafers, confirmed bachelors, all those euphemisms. We had 100 ways to say gay, without directly pointing fingers and saying "homosexual".
What we have here is a "Boston marriage".
I've been impressively oblivious to things for quite long periods of time, so I wouldn't put it past people.
As a species, we are terrifyingly good at just ignoring shit. Not even always knowingly, just as a subconscious act.
Those things are not mutually exclusive. When you lie to yourself, or just avoid looking too closely at something, you can effectively mislead yourself without actually knowing it. Then you do become that oblivious. This is called repression, and it's how I ended up not recognizing my own gender identity for over thirty years.
Yeah i didnt express it very well but thats what i meant. They just lie for so long, they start believing it themselves because acknowledging the truth would fuck up their world view.
That's still missing some of the nuance. The way you're phrasing it paints a picture of having known at some point and deliberately burying it. This can also happen, and is called suppression. But it's also possible for this to happen without any conscious awareness from the beginning, which is repression. In that case, there's no "starting" to believe it, because you never had anything else to believe to begin with.
It's entirely possible they just haven't really put much thought into the situation.
Confirmation bias can occur it layers.
It can be used to confirm one isn't lying to oneself.
It can be used to confirm to oneself they aren't capable of lying to themselves.