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Speaking as someone who did similar:
You will never be able to make him understand why you're cutting off contact. You may not see that now. Spork knows, I didn't for a few years. But it's true, if you try to explain he will simply try to debate or he'll push you off as immature.
To save your own sanity, all you can do is cut ties completely.
Other people here may offer differing advice. Some of them haven't been through this situation, so they can't know the torment you're going through.
I can only speak from my experience.
Cutting them off was the best thing I did for my mental health. Cutting them off was not easy. I still think of them sometimes, of what might have been. But I'm comfortable with my decision, I'm confident I made the right one. Through plenty of evidence-based psychology, I now understand the reasons.
Getting back to your first question: sometimes, it's good to be selfish for the right reasons. Maintaining your own health and well-being? That's the right reason.
Your father's desire to hurt people is far more selfish than making him discuss something. But if you make him discuss it, he will only act threatened and refuse to see your point of view.
You will only begin to heal once you cut him out of your life. I don't say that lightly.
Again, if someone hasn't lived through a situation like this (and hasn't had to make the same hard decisions), they can't understand. So don't be afraid of the naysayers.
I hope you're feeling better now. I haven't lived through the situation you've been through, but I believe you made the right call.
If you value someone in your life, their opinion on something this important should matter.
If someone isn't willing to truly listen to the opinions of those closest to them, even if they disagree with those opinions, then they do not value those people as much as those people value them.
Man this is a fucking bummer... As someone who hasn't spoken to my parents in months for the same reason, I hope you're wrong.
He's not.