This/I do not feel fine, but at least there's troll coping to fill the void.
Edit: after venting to a friend about this during an anxiety attack, she gave me contact information to an office that was able to schedule me for next month. I feel very fortunate and relieved. I'm also extremely appreciative of not just her, but all of you! This is a wonderfully supportive community, you're all amazing people
As someone who had a similar experience and recently went through this process (although mine was over a year of waiting), I can say it's pretty life changing. However, even in my case of now being on ADHD medication, it's not a magical cure-all. Sometimes you focus too hard on the wrong tasks, or you forget to take your meds, or you feel completely ready to focus but for some reason you're still not doing the task so you beat yourself up and second guess if you actually have ADHD or are just a lazy piece of shit. So it's great and I hope you find what you're looking for, but in my experience the medication is like being handed a heavy sword. It has the ability to defend you, but you still need to actively learn how to use it and put the effort into wielding it. A sword won't defend you all on its own.
I agree with you. I don't want to set myself up to rely strictly on medication, I want to utilize it like a tool and try to find what works best for me. I'll still have work I have to do regardless to maintain myself. Medication can only do so much. My goals do include reevaluating my current medication, but what I want most is a more defined direction in which I can look to better understand myself. I feel that will ultimately help me more than any medication.