this post was submitted on 30 Jan 2025
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Some people just can't think of shit when put on the spot with questions like "but why do you love me" because my brain is made of fluffy kittens playing clumsily with ribbons.
I still have the nightmares.
Same.
It doesn't help that "why do you love me" is often an impossible question to answer.
It's not really taught that this is often fishing for compliments, though sometimes they want to hear about how they impact you on a deep emotional and psychological level. Depends on the person. The former is easy enough, the latter does require you have a level of emotional awareness and the communication skills to express it.
Is it?
You go first.
I love you because one day you walked into my house, wouldn't leave despite repeatedly being told to, and then I eventually gave up and let you sleep in my bed.
Wait, your cat can talk?
He definitely can't listen
"You're pretty and smart and drag likes the way you see the world and you have a big heart."
Y'all don't know how to compliment your dragons properly. Tell it that it's pretty and smart and kind. Easy.
That's what I would personally call "cheap".
Among those words the only one that could barely resonate would be "I like the way you see the world", but that's still pretty reductive as I doubt your partner at the time is doing groundbreaking philosophy.
And it doesn't say much about your feeling toward anybody else that share the same outlooks/lifestyle.
That's cheap? What would you consider deep, then? Binding your soul to your partner's in an ancient ritual?
Depth here just means thinking more about their inner life and choosing a compliment based on your intimate knowledge about how they feel. That kind of compliment demonstrates the connection in a way that feels profound, rather than mere flattery.
About fifteen years ago I told my partner, rather artlessly I thought, that I love them not in spite of their flaws but because of them, too. It wasn't what you'd call genius material but the words were intended to quell a deep fear of conditional love, and they still haven't forgotten the compliment. Despite not being anywhere near poetry or a grand gesture, the fact that I realized this could not be left implicit was an important moment in our relationship.
Not a perfect example, but it's the best I've got.
A combination of "I don't know I just do" and "Probably because of my experiences as a child".
Huh. So knowing your own desires makes relationships shallow in most people's eyes?
Drag sure is glad not to be normal