this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2025
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ADHD
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The best time to plant a tree was 50 years ago. The second best time is today.
You can't go back in time, but you can choose to forgive your parents for their mistakes. I'm not saying you have to, but its up to you if you want to.
I hated my father through my teens. After lots of therapy and many years of self growth I decided to forgive him for his short comings and move on with my life. I can't go back to change those mistakes he made when I was younger. I know he was trying his best or doing what he thought was right at the time. Our relationship has been much better ever since. And honestly I think he knows he fucked up in a number of ways since he is now trying so much harder to understand his three sons issues since we all ended up having (and are still having) varying mental health problems which he all but dismissed entirely when we were growing up. Since I was his first kid I got the least understanding version of him. My little brothers both got a bit more understanding version of their father mostly because I had already forced him to learn some lessons when he raised me the wrong way lol.
I'm sorry your mom was dismissive and unhelpful for the majority of your life, but at least she has sorta admitted that she was wrong now. For most of our parents even getting them to admit they made a mistake can be difficult.
Thank you. I have forgiven her, in a sense. I know she did her best, and they were good parents in other ways, but she's sometimes still dismissive, even today. I know it's not on purpose or anything, but it makes me not want to speak to them.
They're both baby boomers who ignorant almost across the board, with the emotional intelligence of middle schoolers. I doubt talking to them about would accomplish anything other than upsetting everyone involved, but I do appreciate her regret.
If it helps at all, genetic odds suggest they grew up undiagnosed if they don't think they were neurodivergent.
My dad is definitely adhd, and my mom is quite likely on the autism spectrum, but growing up my dad was just a "troubled kid" and my mom "did her own thing".
Now they just have big ol bags of repression and forced conformity that they feel ashamed to have never fully lived up to.
Oh, my father has a pretty severe case of bipolar disorder, so that definitely doesn't help. I'd be surprised if my mom has ADHD, but she for sure has a lot of anxiety at the very least