this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2024
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I was perplexed by the question. What's the difference? They explained: "Should I tiptoe and watch my manners around you or be blunt? Flirtatious or chill? Brag about my sexual conquests or talk about our feelings? When you're sad, do I hug you and buy you ice cream or do we go grab some beers? Should I wonder if we'll ever hook up?"

I'm not sure if I'm more appalled or confused by this mindset. I thought everyone treated their friends the same regardless of their gender identity. Is this just a fringe case of toxic masculinity, or is this really how the average cis person sees the world?

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Should I wonder if we'll ever hook up?

I honestly have a hard time realizing that pan is not the default lol

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I think I was more perplexed because this person knows me - we've hung out numerous times. Why would the label I use for my gender identity be a deciding factor in whether or not they're interested in me sexually?

[–] vapeloki 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I obviously don't know you or your friend. As a neurodivergent cis man, amd part of the LGBTQ+ Community, I had a fair share of very awkward interactions. In many cases, people comming out / transitioning die not change my behavior around or with them, or made me ask those kind of questions. But sometimes, I really get confused. Ĺ

And ai asked the question "should I be worried we may hook up and loose our friendship". I asked it because it happened to me with someone. We hooked up, we broke up, and lost all.

I would ask him about this question, why he thinks it is a question worth asking.

Speculation is always the worst advisor

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I asked and he said that it's because he approaches conversations with women with the intention of fuck-cum-sleep. Needless to say, the friendship is over.

[–] vapeloki 6 points 5 days ago

Outch. Would have made the same call in this case

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago

jesus fucking christ, wtf

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, this sounds so misogynistic. Are women just potential sexual conquests to him? Doesn't sound like a friend I would keep, personally. Respecting your gender means he's got to respect women, too.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago

That's exactly the vibe I got and it gave me the ick.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago

this is definitely some /r/AreTheStraightsOK material