this post was submitted on 29 Dec 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Anons make the worst game ever (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 6 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[–] 2ugly2live 29 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)
  • Lonely? Don't worry, the main character is never going to shut up and will comment on every single thing with lines that won't get old at all.
  • Yeah, you can play with your friend... After hours of gameplay, once you both have this super special item and only for certain, boring ass missions.
  • You need an account, and we have no native sign up so we're going to open up a completely different window while you try to drag your mouse awkwardly with the controller. Yes, the cancel button is very close to the confirm, no there's no confirmation, and yes you'll have to start this shit from scratch.
  • Escort missions, but the escort won't get out of the fucking way, and your shots can kill them.
  • Currency systems that are just currencies within currencies, within currencies.
  • The items are easy enough to see, but you have to be in just the right location to pick it up.
  • There's a save screen, but nothing actually pauses.
  • I know 99% of games use similar buttons for different functions, but what if we switch it up, just for giggles? Let's make "jump" the R1 button!
  • You can drive, but it's on ice physics. And, yes, there will be a chase sequence that's going to take you a very, very long time.
[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago (1 children)

The chase sequence starts with an unskippable cinematic, has no checkpoints, and will force you to rewatch the cinematic every time you fail.

There's other traffic in the chase sequence, but the traffic is randomized every time, so there's no way to memorize any pattern.

The mission fails if the target gets too far away.
Any time you bump into anything, it slows you down enough that the target gets too far away.

This is also the first time you've driven a car in the game.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

And there's an infuriatingly sarcastic fail mesage.

All you had to do is follow the god damned train, CJ.