This happened last weekend and I can’t stop thinking about it. My boyfriend invited me to his company’s Christmas dinner and I was excited but also nervous. I wanted to make a good impression so I spent a lot of time picking the perfect outfit, doing my hair, and ensuring I was presentable.
When we arrived everything seemed fine at first. I introduced myself to his coworkers and they were polite if not a little stiff. As the night went on though things took a turn.
During dinner my boyfriend made a joke about my job. I’m an event planner and he works in corporate finance. He said something like “She just plans parties for a living while I’m out here making real money.” People laughed but I felt a lump in my throat. I work hard and I’m proud of what I do so hearing him belittle me like that stung.
I tried to laugh it off to keep things light but then he doubled down. Someone asked me about my favorite event I’d planned and before I could answer he interrupted saying “Probably one of those kids’ birthday parties. That’s her level of expertise.” Everyone laughed again and I just sat there mortified.
The final straw came during dessert when people were sharing funny stories. He decided to tell an embarrassing story about me that I’ve explicitly asked him not to share before. It’s a personal story from early in our relationship involving a mishap I had while meeting his parents. I was practically begging him with my eyes to stop but he told the story anyway.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Everyone was laughing, and I wanted to disappear. I quietly told him I wasn’t okay with what he was doing but he brushed me off, saying “Don’t be so uptight—it’s all in good fun.”
At that point I couldn’t take it anymore. I excused myself thanked the host and left. When he got home he was furious accusing me of embarrassing him by leaving. He said I made him look bad in front of his coworkers and that I was being overly sensitive.
Now he’s refusing to apologize and insists I owe him an apology for “overreacting.” My friends are split some say I should’ve stayed and dealt with it later while others think he crossed the line.
So? Thoughts ?
I will try to go to bat for your boyfriend to some extent because you obviously care about him on some level as you made him your boyfriend... And perhaps what you want is a better understanding of what he may be up to in all this.
My first thoughts on the jokes about your job was actually that he was simply trying to get a few reacts by being silly...
Everyone knows being an event planner is actually a really big job, right - in fact, I have always thought it is a very high pressure job and involves perfectly executing things on a tight timeline with little room for error, and it requires a certain perfectionism... And so his jokes on that, I think, were in good nature. I would give him a pass...
But the very embarrassing story..? That definitely crosses a line. However, I wonder if it was in the context of other embarrassing stories being shared..?
If it wasn't, and if it was sexual in nature, then I can imagine being really incensed.... If there weasn't, but it was not explicitly sexual, it's still a bad call, but I would tamper down my anger a little, maybe...
I would also just bring up that your boyfriend may be a people pleaser who is willing to say all kinds of things for a laugh... If he does it at his own expense as well, consider that this is perhaps a pretty ingrained personality trait and he may not understand your perspective on this, or it may be difficult for him to change... But it could be easy to have him leave you out of his self-deprecating humor...
Very interesting scenario.