/c/Vent: Vent about your life here

367 readers

1 users here now

A community for venting about your life, good or bad

Rules:

Please follow site rules.

Posts must be about venting, Posts not matching a vent will be removed.

Posts must be longer then clear, understandable and elaborated in the post body.

Be kind to other users

Trolling is not allowed.

No Hate speech, Slurs, Slander, Bullying, Harassments or Arguments.

NSFW/NSFL posts must be tagged with a NSFW tag

No posts talking about planing/committing/threatening your suicide, self-harm or other forms of self-injury.

No begging/asking for charity

No minors in NSFW threads/NSFW threads with minors involved

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

PowerOfGamers

inb4_FoundTheVegan

-1

I hate living as two heavily conflicting personalities. (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/vent

10 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I can't just get rid of the other one since I've become so attached to her. We've been through all my suffering at the same time. But she's everything I'm not, that I wish I could have been: white, tall, masculine, creative, talented, and unattractive. I envy that someone like her doesn't have weed addicts and random people begging for her number. Anyone who would be her friend would actually like her for who she is and not her appearance or some shallow reason.

I would bring her creations to life as they are pretty cool and could probably make a lot of money but I can't be a "talented black person" again. I'd rather drink piss out of a Colored Only fountain than be "black excellence" all over again. Every hobby I did was "excellence" and I had to be filmed and displayed like a circus animal for something no one would care if a white person did.

So I feel conflicted, having actually created stuff despite the past, and being this gross alien thing whose work is So Special. There's no way I'd escape that crap. If I pretend to be white, someone would find out and expose me, and everything I created would be popular because a black woman made it. All criticism is dismissed and censored because it's racist white boys angry a black woman exists. Everything will be 5 stars and 10/10, and my games would be game of the year, solely because I'm a black woman and not a random normal game developer.

I would hate to die before having the chance to share her creations with the world but I can't be a black person who made something. I can't go through it again. And even if I ignored it, I'd still be letting her down by having her fandom only exist to infantilize a black person so they don't look racist.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I will always be hiding that awful thing about me so it's not temporary

[–] wkk 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Nothing sounds awful about you from your post, rather it sounds like you cannot take how people in your current circles treat you.

This situation is not going to last if you distance yourself from the people that cause you to suffer. Family? Acquire your independence, don't mention "The Special Activities". "Friends" that ask for weed? Put distance from them, ignore who you can afford to.

There are people out there that will not put as much a burden on you.

In the meantime you can ignore special treatment people give you, despite how frustrated it might make you feel: why would it actually prevent you from making anything? Make it and ignore comments.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It's not just my current circle, it's the world. Everyone. I'm completely alone for wanting actual equality. Everyone believes minorities should just be high school bullies towards majority groups instead of there being actual equality and unity. I don't care if other games are better than mine. I made what I wanted to make. I hate that everything I create becomes ammo in a race war against other creators who weren't even aware they were competing. Where my ratings and revenue are only inflated and used to "attack" white creators. It's just not fair. Every other creator is a creator, and black creators are perpetual victims. If I made bad content then vote with your time and money. It's not fucking racist to not consume bad media. I hate being infantilized. There's no point in doing anything in this world.

[–] wkk 1 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Everyone

Not everyone does or thinks what you describe, no one except the people you consider the opinions of. So ignore this noise, and focus on the rest that don't do those things. You are not responsible for what others do. Keep your own messaging consistent about equality and fairness and forget about what others may say online. Support creators that were hurt by others if you feel it will help. Remember that your are not responsible for what others do.

There's no point in doing anything in this world.

You understand that this attitude is what's keeping you down right? We always had to derive the source of meaning from ourselves for anything we do. As example I try to create in order to either make people's lives easier, or to immerse them in interesting worlds. You may create games to elicit all kinds of emotions in your players too. And again: ignore the noise, focus on the actual positive impact you may have delivered. Make the positive outweigh the negatives. You feel like doing nothing? Take a temporary break, seek professional help.

It's ok to vent but bathing in self-misery is not. Seek help outside of Lemmy. Nothing seems inherently wrong with you, your frustration is justified, the world doesn't end here. Being tired is ok, you can take a break to calm down, damp the noise, and find what you can do to make the world nicer and more interesting. You don't need to fix everything.

Maybe I just didn't get the point of this community and this post, but I wish you to stop focusing on misery and find that you can be your own beacon of light and that others went through what you are going through.