are there proper ways to engage people in game? it seems strange to me to randomly ask someone to be friends. i also don't see many ways to strike up conversations (if that's the proper way to refer to it).

for additional context, in a game like Throne & Liberty or FFXIV, there are tons of people running around doing their thing. do you just whisper to someone and say hi? do you comment on their character or if you saw them do something interesting / cool?

or, for something like The First Descendant you may run a mission with a bunch of random people and then everyone goes their separate ways. but, if that group was cool (and good) do you quickly try to friend everyone?

personal context (if it helps / matters), console gamer (PlayStation don't judge please, haha), really introverted / anxious around strangers IRL, older play (mid 50s) and ultimately... afraid of looking like a weirdo 😀

apologies in advance if this topic was already discussed (happy to check another post if some can point me to it). also, apologies if i don't directly respond to every message, although i will read them all.

edit - 2024/11/16 - i just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your advice and taking the time to reply / provide your insights. this has really been helpful!! happy gaming to you all 🎮 🕹️ 😄

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[–] CMLVI 7 points 6 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

I would avoid zone-wide chats. They end up in pissing contests about who's cooler, edgier, better, etc. Local or proxy chat let's you talk to a party directly in front of you, like you are actually addressing the person instead of the name in a chat box.

As to what you should say, say the first thing that comes to mind, short of "want to buy GF". Find similar minded people. Additionally, join guilds or discords. Check the game sub for guild finder stuff, join medium sized guilds that are doing content you like. Be prepared to leave if you don't feel like you fit or it doesn't mesh well. The beauty of MMOs is they generally have a decent sized player base, you'll find community somewhere. They just rarely come find you.

What I'd say regarding anxiety....everyone has usually been where you are. On ESO, I help run a 1k+ person guild, where most groups are doing hard mode content or trifecta content (speed run, hard mode, no deaths). I don't want to do the horribly sweaty stuff, but I've done some hard modes and such. Decent parse numbers are 110-120k just about, and I hit that. But when I started, I was at like...50k. I joined a group, talked to people, and bit the bullet and let people critique my gameplay. More often than not, if you are asking for help, people will give it and help you along, and that's a big reason why we grew. We encouraged people to post parses, to show gameplay, so that it could be reviewed and advice given. It wasn't public, but a fair few of us could see it and give pointers and suggestions.

Everyone starts somewhere. Just take the thoughts out of your head and put it in the chat box, and see who vibes with you!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

They just rarely come find you yeah, that makes sense, the onus is on me to find people. agreed on the chat thing. again, still trying to figure it all out but some of the zone / game wide chat is... interesting, to say the least.

i think when a get a little further along, i may look into guilds. my only concern is that it becomes a second full time job. however, as one person mentioned, "leave if you're not happy" (to paraphrase that posters comment).

will do on the take the thoughts out of your head advice!

[–] CMLVI 2 points 4 days ago

Nah, I haven't played ESO as part of the guild in over a month. I still get on and do some stuff, but it's solo stuff or just with a group who linked up. Unless you're joining an end-game guild, I'd say the function is more social than content. T&L maybe a little different, but the point of the big guilds is that you can join, and you have a group of "vetted" players you fit in with to play when you want to. It is what you make of it, y'know?