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I use the false cord technique to do metal vocals (vocal fry was harder to learn and didn't click with me), I basically just watched different YouTube tutorials on how to do it until I watched one by Kardavox Academy on YouTube and he likened the feeling of engaging the false cords to sighing exasperatedly, and also going "ruff" very lowly like a dog.
This explanation alone is terrible, but understanding what he meant and mimicing those sounds allowed me to understand what it feels like when I engage the false cords and now I have enough control to engage or disengage it on a word by word basis or slide into it from a clean voice. It's definitely as people say, with the right technique it won't hurt, it can be tough on your voice even when done correctly, but you should never have to stop and cough, that's when you're really doing it wrong.