this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2024
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Great story and well told. Beautiful really. Pan-romantic, I really like that. Wow there are so many gradations of sexuality and identity. I so wish we were talking about this shit when I was a kid.
So much time wasted trying to fit in the restrictive "straight" or "gay" buckets.
Still not as much as the guy in your story, but I can totally see how he could wind up in that situation given the cards dealt.
I know so many people that would have been better off with the range of definitions we have now, if only so they could self label and know what their feelings meant.
Like, demi-sexual. The folks I know that had a big aha! moment when they heard the term and its definition weren't necessarily unable to find happiness, but they were always questioning what was "wrong" with them, when it's something that's common enough that there should have been a term for it all along.
Just that, the knowledge that a person isn't alone or weird is such a powerful thing.
Had a younger friend multiple decades ago who routinely defined himself as trisexual, in that he was open to try various sexualities.
Yah, I know a guy like that :)
He extended it to "try anything once, twice to make sure I was right about not liking it the first time".
He's settled down and married now, but the stories he has because of his adventurousness are pretty fun to hear. He says he's essentially hetero, but stuff with guys isn't unpleasant, just not what he really likes for standard sex. He'll top a guy bdsm wise, but doesn't really enjoy sex with guys, in other words.
I've told him that he sure did a lot of it for something he isn't into lol.
My friend decided he was bi, but preferared men for the sex and hangouts, women for deeper friendship and intellectual compatibilities. But we're in the Bible Belt where "it's only gay if you don't flaunt toxic masculinity," so I'm relatively a sure that's a factor.
Ngl, there's been a few times I've been a little jealous of bi folks. I've had guys flirt, and outright hit on me, that were objectively gorgeous, and great dudes too, but it just isn't there for me.
But I've also been real lucky in finding male friends that are capable of really deep, emotionally supportive friendship, then being as good a friend as I know how to be. Gay and straight, even here in Appalachia, I've had amazing luck finding good guys that break out of toxic masculinity to be around. It's a minority, unfortunately, but I'll take it.
That's so great, I'm happy you've had those experiences. I do so wish that for everyone. Deep emotional friendships are real blessings, and having one real friend is so much more than a lot of people seem to have, regardless of gender. I feel so lucky to have a few good friends. When sharing sorrow, the burden is lightened, when sharing not, it's vastly multiplied. I would wish at least one really good friendship on every person in the world. How much happier a place the world would be, with the added bonus that really good friends encourage our better impulses and show us reasons not to act on our worst ones.