this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2024
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I am angry
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Oh man I wish social interaction for me was as easy and carefree as you!
See, that's not how it works with my fucked self-sacrificing aspie brain.
I get to the counter, I look at the tip prompt, I look at the cashier. He's tired, of course he is, retail sucks. He's underpaid, because of course he is, and he doesn't want to be there. I've worked retail and most of it was hell.
And I'm nothing, not even worth existing. So it's a moral good to give him a little extra. He could use it more than me, honestly. What am I even doing except just existing long enough to get the next paycheck?
Plus if I save it, it'll probably just get burned later in an emergency, so I really should give him a big tip.
It'll probably make him smile, make his life easier a bit. Everyone deserves that. Except me of course, so I'll just go ahead and tip this guy 50%.
And I walk out, poorer and more exhausted, and even more determined not to leave my house again until I absolutely have to.
Welcome to my day, fun isn't it?
Hint: the guy you're looking at ain't getting the tip, anyway. That makes it way easier.
For what it's worth, you aren't nothing, and you're absolutely worth existing. I can't help the brain, but I just want you to know you're completely deserving of happiness. Negative self talk is really hard to stop, but those beliefs are worth trying to challenge. You're far more wonderful than you think 💜
I appreciate it and on a certain conscious level know it to be true but that doesn't matter 95% of the time in my everyday thinking. And it isn't really negative self talk as much as it is a reasonable assessment.