this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2023
4 points (100.0% liked)
Writing Tips
69 readers
2 users here now
A place to practice and critique your writing.
Enjoy your stay!
Our community icon is a commemorative visual pun commissioned & drawn by @[email protected]
The banner image is a modified version of "Open Book" by Reeding Lessons is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/?ref=openverse.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Ok, took a while, but I finally got a chance to read this fully.
My main critique is that this piece feels like a series events rather than a whole - the unsatisfying let down could've hit harder if there was more build up - e.g a notification when you wake up that you need to buy something, etc.
My other critique is pacing, which is still decent, but slightly...off. I'm not sure if that was what you're going for, but with a quick re-write, I reckon you could really push the piece up a tier.
Overall, you've just described most of my mornings ;P
Thanks for the feedback! Pretty new to fiction, so this is useful.
Yeah, I didn't do an edit of this, posted more or less straight after writing. I am definitely starting to get the value of an edit/re-write to add some telegraphing of what's coming and to clean up the pacing and remove or do more to tie in loose pieces (like the knee hole). Will do that more in the future.
I might come back to this one, see how I'm feeling in a few weeks.