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miscarriage (self.parenting)

submitted 1 year ago by neomachino to c/parenting

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My wife and I had a miscarriage last week. We were 11 weeks along but our baby only grew to 8 weeks.

It's been devastating.

I'm hoping to get some advice from anyone who's been through it.

what can I do to help my wife? She's in physical pain which seems to be overriding the emotional pain, but I'm sure it will hit in due time and want to be able to help her the best that I can.
our 15 month old obviously doesn't know what's going on, but it seems like he's noticed a change of energy. Its hard to play with him like I normally do. I love him to bits, I just don't have the energy but I need to make sure he knows he's loved.
we were able to collect the fetus as it passed naturally , we would like to do something to memorialize our unborn child but don't know what.
how can I take care of myself while taking care of my family through these times.

Thanks for any advice.

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[–] SweetSitty 22 points 1 year ago

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks about 5 years ago and it was very difficult. For me, I had a lot of physical pain from an incomplete D&C, which despite helping me keep my mind occupied I wouldn't wish on anyone. To help with the emotional pain, it helped to have cathartic cries. I listened to the saddest musicals I liked and just let myself cry. It was useful for me to cry for a different reason than the loss, but everyone is different.

For Christmas, I bought an angel ornament to remember the baby had lost. There are other ways to memorialize the baby, such as having a burial, or setting aside an object in honor of the baby. It all depends on what works best for you and your wife. Some people don't want to remember and would rather move on while others keep it as a permanent reminder.

For you and your wife, try to give each other other space to grieve while making sure you still check in on each other and support one another. Miscarriages are a lot more frequent than you may think unless you have one (about 25% of pregnancies) but they are still difficult. As with most grief, just take one day at a time.