Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/disappointed-gf on 2023-07-18 01:20:05+00:00.

We met in person and we dated a couple of months. Everything was great. However, we knew we were going to live in different countries and he didn’t want a ldr, so we just dated. No labels, but we were exclusive and he said he considered me his girlfriend.

Then we started living in different countries. I expected to never talk to him again, but after a week he messaged me and told me he misses me. After that we started speaking daily, and acting like a couple. But we never had a discussion about where we were and technically our exclusivity ended when we started being away from each other.

Almost a year has passed like this. Now we will soon live again in the same place. He said he is committed to me, there is no one else, and that he wants me to be his girlfriend.

However, 6 months ago he told me in passing that he went on a date. At the time I just ignored it although it really hurt me. I thought I don’t have the right to say something because we weren’t together. I just tried to lose feelings for him, which I couldn’t because we still acted really close. I know I should have stopped back then and let myself heal.

This has really been bothering me lately. I need to know if he dated (and how much) or had sex with anyone else before I agree to be together with him when we close the gap. I will ask him and I’m afraid to hear the answer.

If he says he did, I don’t know how to react.

On one hand, we didn’t have a discussion stating that we won’t see someone else while we live in different countries. Therefore, it’s not “wrong” for him to do that. And I guess I could have done the same thing. And I don’t want to paint him in a wrong way in this post, he is a good person.

On the other hand, it feels very unfair if he kept acting like a boyfriend to me while dating someone else. We acted like all the other ldr couples (it wasn’t just in my head of something he was unaware of), so I don’t think it’s absurd for me to feel hurt by this. And just thinking about him being with someone else makes me feel sick. I don’t think I deserve this.

What would you do in this situation? I really like him, but I don’t want to lose my self respect and abandon myself. And I don’t know if I could emotionally get over him dating someone else. I really need an outside perspective because I’m biased. Any advice is highly appreciated 🩷

Tl;Dr: We dated in person, then lived in different countries for less than a year while still acting like a couple (although we didn’t have a conversation about exclusivity). He might have dated someone else. Should I get over it or leave?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Live_Opening4632 on 2023-07-18 01:19:52+00:00.

Hello,

I (20M) have met this friend (21F) through mutual friends since we all live in the same on-campus residence building. Since May we've gotten closer as friends and i've always been there for them when they needed me, I always listened to their issues with their boyfriend while comforting them, and Most importantly i always go with them to places when then need too since they have extreme anxiety and they can't go to places alone especially places with a lot of people or places that are unfamiliar to them. Nevertheless, last week we went to a festival together with my partner (21non-binary) and everything started off fine until i started getting constantly belittled with phrases that seem fine but had a passive-aggressive and "are you stupid" tone. Over the course of the festival i got really hurt but i tried not to mention to not ruin the vibe but i did make my partner aware and my friend seemed to notice that something was bothering me.

By the end of the festival we took the shuttle back downtown at 9:30pm and my city's downtown is known to be not the safest place to be at night but I'm very familiar with the area since i love urban exploration and i knew it wasn't dangerous but pretty sketchy; my friend proceeded to panic when we arrived and i told them our options which where, 1) walk to a safer area if you feel comfortable or 2) wait at the downtown university bus station thats 5 minutes away which is patrolled by their security. she proceeded to shush me and disregard my opinion and at the moment there was so much anger built up from the festival and I just snapped and told them "SHUT UP, F**K YOU" which i understand is a very scary thing to say to someone who is anxious and i recognize my mistake but what i think scared my friend the most is that I'm someone who is not necessarily easily annoyed/angered but i was genuinely hurt and felt like i wasn't being heard and at the same time i lost all my trust for them for disregarding my opinion when they literally come to ask for help for things related to their relationship with their partner but they don't take my opinion into consideration like they don't trust me.

Over the course of the week they didn't reach out but i didn't reach out because i needed space and time to process about everything that happened but eventually Thursday came around (the festival was on Sunday) and i sent them a message explaining my perspective and apologizing for my behaviour that was unacceptable but they never replied to my message to this day!! what i wanted to ask is that should i reach out to them asking them whats wrong and why they haven't responded to me yet or should i not? at this point it's not about saving a friendship in my head but more wanting to understand them and wanting to know if they understand me!

Lastly, I've moved on from this situation but whats been bothering me is that she talked to my roommate (20M) asking him if i snapped at him before since we've been friend longer than i have been friends with her but what bothered me is not the question but the way she explained the situation to my roommate by making the story as vague as possible and pushing it into her perspective to the point that my roommate comforted me about it and i told him the story from my side and he agreed with me that her behaviour and the way she treated me was very toxic!

TLDR: Friend (21F) ghosted me after apologizing for me (20M) snapping at her after a festival

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/john_drita on 2023-07-18 00:55:13+00:00.

I (31/m) am a pathological liar. I've lied about small and big things for as long as I can remember, usually to get out of trouble or to make reality and myself seem better than I am. I've told small lies and incredibly big ones. I can tell you all about why I started lying and how it's all because of my rough parents and whatnot, but all of that is no more than self-pity at this point. In the recent two years my psyche has gone to shit and I'm slowly feeling like I'm not even sure who I am actually. Everyone around me sees a person who is basically made out of 20-30% lies.

Right now I am in a situation that has been causing me constant anxiety for the last 8-12 months. I'm very good friends with someone who has feelings for me. I've told them that I can't commit to a relationship right now. However I've been seeing someone on the side, someone that I've told them I wasn't seeing anymore because we had been having conflicts about this person for a while (not even sure how we ended up there, it's all convoluted). And so I'm sneaking around and lying to her face all the time. And this other person knows nothing about me lying about them. She takes our relationship very seriously and wants to take it to the next level (moving in together, kids, etc.). I love this person but I've basically lied to her about so many things so far too.

I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. I am hurting two people I think I do care for deeply. But do I? If I treat them like this? I'm a total coward, selfish and horrible.

I want to end the relationship with the person I'm seeing. And I want to end contact with the other person as well. I want to stop stealing people's time and pretending to be someone I am not. It will hurt me very very much to lose these people. But my selfishness is literally killing everything. I am typing this late at night here where I live as I've made that decision and I need your help because I feel like I'm going insane:

• Should I tell them the truth about it all or should I spare them?
• I am away for two weeks on a work trip right now, should I do it on the phone or wait to do it in person?
• Is the fact that I am suddenly - in the middle of the night - deciding to do all this some kind of manic or psychotic break or am I just finally coming to my senses?

tl;dr: I am a pathological liar and right now I've been hiding a very close romantic relationship I've been having from a very close friend who has feelings for me and am constantly lying to the person I'm in a close relationship with. I want to break off contact to both people, get help and stop living like this.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/jackienicole94 on 2023-07-18 00:47:06+00:00.

I (28F) and my husband (28M) have been together for almost 11 years, married for nearly 1. I recently found out he is having an affair with his 21F (almost 22F) coworker. He is her manager at work. They are friendly and I’ve allowed him to go to a mutual friends’ parties with her. But I didn’t notice anything serious until now. I know he drinks and smokes weed at these parties which is unlike him. I always suspected he was attracted to/had feelings for her but I never thought my husband to be the type to cheat, in fact he has always been against cheating and said this is a dealbreaker for him. I recently started noticing a change in him. He was very low energy , taking jabs at me here and there and trying to get me to spend more time away from home. He has also been coming home late from work a lot and coming home chewing gum and one night smelling like weed when he doesn’t smoke. I recently went home to see family and he was normal, except for a night where I could not reach him and he said he was asleep. When I got home , we had a very emotional fight after him saying he didn’t know about our marriage when I asked him but he was in tears and begging me not to leave. I thought we would be able to fix our marriage. Our marriage wasn’t perfect but I’ve done a lot for my husband and I felt we were genuinely in love. We did nearly everything together and were like best friends. We’ve had dry spells here and there but would always come out of them and to me, the sex was still extremely satisfying with him and he always seems into it. In fact the night I came home from my trip we were intimate and he was saying how much he missed me. The night I found out I saw he had 17,000 deleted texts between the two of them. He got extremely defensive and wouldn’t let me see the texts. I tried to lock myself in our room to read them and he burst through the door and tackled me to grab the phone. He ran out of the house barefoot and angry to permanently delete the texts. I called her in front of him when he came back in the house and he was straight faced the entire time. She admitted she’s been helping him with mental health issues and they kissed a few weeks ago at work. Come to find out this kiss happened after he had a panic attack at work, which he’s never struggled with before. She claims she cares for him but not romantically , which he seemed bothered by. I left to stay with a friend. He didn’t call me or try to reconcile, but I saw he called her that night and a few nights since then. She has also been over his friend’s house where he is staying. He’s shown absolutely no remorse except for a text he sent me almost a week ago saying he loves me but he’s not good right now and maybe in the future if I’m still willing we can try again. This was obviously not good enough for me. I’ve had to coax information out of him and he admitted he’s not in love with me any more and this would have happened either way. This was a shock because we got married 9 months ago and he was in tears our entire wedding day and absolutely beaming. He was also reassuring me that I’m his life and there was no one else and telling me how much he loves me. We were even planning a vacation together before this happened. He says he is depressed and has been having suicidal thoughts and has been confiding this in her but claimed it was nothing more. He has already moved out of our apartment and deleted me off of all of his social media and added her. I’ve been begging him to come home and reconcile but he claims he has too much going on, there’s nothing to fix and he doesn’t want to put in the effort for it to fail. He makes no effort to call or try to speak to me. I’ve learned from his brother that he called him one night when I was home being extremely aggressive asking for his netflix password and speaking nonsensically which is VERY unlike my husband. He is also avoiding his family and old friends who would not condone his behavior. I recently discovered his DMs between him and the coworker and he has been professing his love for her , saying he never knew love until he met her , she’s all he wants, everything was hard until he met her and I also discovered they have been having sex quite a lot. They haven’t even gone on proper dates yet so I’m quite confused how he can be professing this deep love to her and throwing away 11 years as well as his stability and potentially his job for this woman. This behavior is completely unlike him. He has always been very loving , kind hearted and logical. I have wondered if he is on drugs or experiencing a mental health episode. No one in his life recognizes this person or his behavior and his family is shocked and disappointed. Any advice ? Could this be limerence? I’m so sad to see my relationship end this way and I don’t recognize this person. TL;DR husband says he is depressed/suicidal but is having emotional and physical affair with young coworker he claims is the love of his life and refuses to come home or reconcile.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/AsleepCaramel7327 on 2023-07-18 00:44:27+00:00.

I'm 20 and she's also 20;

I am terrible when it comes to romance or putting together date ideas so she's usually the one who does it. I was gonna ask if someone could give me some ideas to really make make her feel special and absolutely cared for.

She's a very feeling type of girl, like she loves the ooey gooey love stuff, she loves feeling cared for, feeling trusted, loved on, cuddles, and I just wanna do something that could accommodate some of those feature's.

Any ideas would be great! I just wanna be a good boyfriend! Love her to death

Tl;Dr just want some date ideas for my girl