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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Live_Opening4632 on 2023-07-18 01:19:52+00:00.
Hello,
I (20M) have met this friend (21F) through mutual friends since we all live in the same on-campus residence building. Since May we've gotten closer as friends and i've always been there for them when they needed me, I always listened to their issues with their boyfriend while comforting them, and Most importantly i always go with them to places when then need too since they have extreme anxiety and they can't go to places alone especially places with a lot of people or places that are unfamiliar to them. Nevertheless, last week we went to a festival together with my partner (21non-binary) and everything started off fine until i started getting constantly belittled with phrases that seem fine but had a passive-aggressive and "are you stupid" tone. Over the course of the festival i got really hurt but i tried not to mention to not ruin the vibe but i did make my partner aware and my friend seemed to notice that something was bothering me.
By the end of the festival we took the shuttle back downtown at 9:30pm and my city's downtown is known to be not the safest place to be at night but I'm very familiar with the area since i love urban exploration and i knew it wasn't dangerous but pretty sketchy; my friend proceeded to panic when we arrived and i told them our options which where, 1) walk to a safer area if you feel comfortable or 2) wait at the downtown university bus station thats 5 minutes away which is patrolled by their security. she proceeded to shush me and disregard my opinion and at the moment there was so much anger built up from the festival and I just snapped and told them "SHUT UP, F**K YOU" which i understand is a very scary thing to say to someone who is anxious and i recognize my mistake but what i think scared my friend the most is that I'm someone who is not necessarily easily annoyed/angered but i was genuinely hurt and felt like i wasn't being heard and at the same time i lost all my trust for them for disregarding my opinion when they literally come to ask for help for things related to their relationship with their partner but they don't take my opinion into consideration like they don't trust me.
Over the course of the week they didn't reach out but i didn't reach out because i needed space and time to process about everything that happened but eventually Thursday came around (the festival was on Sunday) and i sent them a message explaining my perspective and apologizing for my behaviour that was unacceptable but they never replied to my message to this day!! what i wanted to ask is that should i reach out to them asking them whats wrong and why they haven't responded to me yet or should i not? at this point it's not about saving a friendship in my head but more wanting to understand them and wanting to know if they understand me!
Lastly, I've moved on from this situation but whats been bothering me is that she talked to my roommate (20M) asking him if i snapped at him before since we've been friend longer than i have been friends with her but what bothered me is not the question but the way she explained the situation to my roommate by making the story as vague as possible and pushing it into her perspective to the point that my roommate comforted me about it and i told him the story from my side and he agreed with me that her behaviour and the way she treated me was very toxic!
TLDR: Friend (21F) ghosted me after apologizing for me (20M) snapping at her after a festival