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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/john_drita on 2023-07-18 00:55:13+00:00.
I (31/m) am a pathological liar. I've lied about small and big things for as long as I can remember, usually to get out of trouble or to make reality and myself seem better than I am. I've told small lies and incredibly big ones. I can tell you all about why I started lying and how it's all because of my rough parents and whatnot, but all of that is no more than self-pity at this point. In the recent two years my psyche has gone to shit and I'm slowly feeling like I'm not even sure who I am actually. Everyone around me sees a person who is basically made out of 20-30% lies.
Right now I am in a situation that has been causing me constant anxiety for the last 8-12 months. I'm very good friends with someone who has feelings for me. I've told them that I can't commit to a relationship right now. However I've been seeing someone on the side, someone that I've told them I wasn't seeing anymore because we had been having conflicts about this person for a while (not even sure how we ended up there, it's all convoluted). And so I'm sneaking around and lying to her face all the time. And this other person knows nothing about me lying about them. She takes our relationship very seriously and wants to take it to the next level (moving in together, kids, etc.). I love this person but I've basically lied to her about so many things so far too.
I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. I am hurting two people I think I do care for deeply. But do I? If I treat them like this? I'm a total coward, selfish and horrible.
I want to end the relationship with the person I'm seeing. And I want to end contact with the other person as well. I want to stop stealing people's time and pretending to be someone I am not. It will hurt me very very much to lose these people. But my selfishness is literally killing everything. I am typing this late at night here where I live as I've made that decision and I need your help because I feel like I'm going insane:
- Should I tell them the truth about it all or should I spare them?
- I am away for two weeks on a work trip right now, should I do it on the phone or wait to do it in person?
- Is the fact that I am suddenly - in the middle of the night - deciding to do all this some kind of manic or psychotic break or am I just finally coming to my senses?
tl;dr: I am a pathological liar and right now I've been hiding a very close romantic relationship I've been having from a very close friend who has feelings for me and am constantly lying to the person I'm in a close relationship with. I want to break off contact to both people, get help and stop living like this.