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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/disappointed-gf on 2023-07-18 01:20:05+00:00.
We met in person and we dated a couple of months. Everything was great. However, we knew we were going to live in different countries and he didn’t want a ldr, so we just dated. No labels, but we were exclusive and he said he considered me his girlfriend.
Then we started living in different countries. I expected to never talk to him again, but after a week he messaged me and told me he misses me. After that we started speaking daily, and acting like a couple. But we never had a discussion about where we were and technically our exclusivity ended when we started being away from each other.
Almost a year has passed like this. Now we will soon live again in the same place. He said he is committed to me, there is no one else, and that he wants me to be his girlfriend.
However, 6 months ago he told me in passing that he went on a date. At the time I just ignored it although it really hurt me. I thought I don’t have the right to say something because we weren’t together. I just tried to lose feelings for him, which I couldn’t because we still acted really close. I know I should have stopped back then and let myself heal.
This has really been bothering me lately. I need to know if he dated (and how much) or had sex with anyone else before I agree to be together with him when we close the gap. I will ask him and I’m afraid to hear the answer.
If he says he did, I don’t know how to react.
On one hand, we didn’t have a discussion stating that we won’t see someone else while we live in different countries. Therefore, it’s not “wrong” for him to do that. And I guess I could have done the same thing. And I don’t want to paint him in a wrong way in this post, he is a good person.
On the other hand, it feels very unfair if he kept acting like a boyfriend to me while dating someone else. We acted like all the other ldr couples (it wasn’t just in my head of something he was unaware of), so I don’t think it’s absurd for me to feel hurt by this. And just thinking about him being with someone else makes me feel sick. I don’t think I deserve this.
What would you do in this situation? I really like him, but I don’t want to lose my self respect and abandon myself. And I don’t know if I could emotionally get over him dating someone else. I really need an outside perspective because I’m biased. Any advice is highly appreciated 🩷
Tl;Dr: We dated in person, then lived in different countries for less than a year while still acting like a couple (although we didn’t have a conversation about exclusivity). He might have dated someone else. Should I get over it or leave?