[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

Only once I click em do I realize that it's X now.

Hey lemmos, and lemmettes. Just got off jury duty for a 3 day civil trial. First time juror, had a BLAST despite my expectations, really enjoyable to see a functioning justice system in person, and I also met cute gal also early 20s who was on the jury.

Now some context, I have not had a date since my ex cheated back around the begining of COVID so ive basically lost any sembelece of self-confidence when it comes to flirting. I'm confident in myself as a person, I'm pretty rad if I'm not being modest, but when it comes to chatting up the ladies, I mentally only can visualize rejection.

Now I was planning on asking her out for dinner or drinks this weekend following the case, but on the way out she was caught behind walking and talking with some other peeps. I got caught up in my anxious brain and just ended up bailing. Sent a FB messenger pm on the metra ride home but the profile is inactive so I think I missed my chance at a genuine connection.

Why is my monke brain like this. Why cant I let myself be happy. **All I want is to give somebody the love I can no longer seem to give myself. **

UPDATE: Connected over linkedin and gave it a shot. In a relationship :( . Still, glad that I tried, and thank you to all the commenters who helped settle my anxiety.

I thought it was an intentional joke but he didn’t seem to think it was funny, even when I explained the “404: Office Not Found”.

I still think it’s objectively funny.

Not sure where else to post this, but I just learned that an old buddy lost his lengthy battle with cancer this evening after putting up a solid fight. If anyone feels like raising a glass to a random stranger, I'm sure he'd appreciate it.

Fuck cancer, and be excellent to each other 🥃

Mine certainly hasn't. I feel like I've had 27 years of downward spiral.

I've been slowly, but steadily collecting more and more people to miss, Watching my finances get worse and worse. My body is starting to fall apart. My life is boring, lonely and grueling. Every time I take a step forward in one area I take a step back in all the others. Therapy has been worse than useless, loved ones stop caring eventually, casual friends just disappear into the ether without a trace.

I wish I hadn't gotten "lucky" during my previous suicide attempts, because I definitely can't try that anymore. I wish someone could just do it for me, without me ever expecting it.

But your 30s are supposed to be easier. More stable. It's hard to believe that'll be the case for me, going into them with no connection to my past, no money, no marketable skills.