Autism

Today I went to buy clothes. And I found one!

I also found a store where they did an effort on the fitting rooms (two mirrors, large enough bench). But more interesting a wheel to dim lights. And I could dim it enough to a comfortable level.

I'm a grown-ass adult, and was diagnosed as being on the spectrum quite late; Aspergers wasn't even a valid diagnosis until after I had graduated from high school.

So, haven't really had a lot of support.

Just wanted to check in with other people - what does a meltdown mean for you, in terms of communicating? When I'm feeling emotionally overwhelmed, I have words in my head, but I can get them out of my mouth. If I try to write things down, I either have the same block, or I'll write, erase, re-write, erase again, and repeat tens of times until I give up.

I recently conmented on a meme with a little personal experience and would like to know what you fine peoples take is?

Thanks!

(Link on top)

Am I crazy to assume that, if I tell one person but don't specify any particular privacy settings, they would leave it to me to decide when I disclose it to others?

I guess I should get specific here. I was officially diagnosed a couple of weeks ago, as having autism spectrum disorder level 1. I have so far only told my mom, who I live with, and my best friend, who I suspect is also autistic. Today, I overheard my mom talking loudly on a video call to my brother and his wife, catching up and sharing their latest news. Apparently her latest news included the fact that I have been diagnosed with ASD. I hadn't yet decided how to go about having that conversation with my brother, and now I'm pretty upset that I don't get to make that decision. While I'm venting, she also mentioned that I've been less conversational lately, which she attributes to my diagnosis and to me no longer wanting to make the effort necessary to talk to neurotypical people (in reality, my chronic fatigue has been playing up lately, which always leaves me with less energy for conversation - she knows my chronic fatigue has been playing up lately, but apparently thinks I'm just choosing not to bother).

Am I crazy to think she was way out of line to share my diagnosis with someone without running it by me?

I'm also not sure how to move forward with this information in any way without it seeming like I was eavesdropping - which I wasn't intentionally doing, she was in the living room / kitchen area, I was heading down there to make myself a cup of tea (which I do every night at that time, in the room that she was talking in) and froze halfway down the hallway when I heard her sharing my confidential information. I didn't know how to deal with the situation so I just stood there for a bit and then returned to my room without making the cup of tea. If she had directly told me that she had told my brother about my diagnosis, or that she was bothered by me being less conversational, it would give me an opportunity to provide input on these matters, but as it is I don't feel comfortable raising the subject, or noticeably increasing my level of masking (to accomodate her apparent discomfort with me not doing so), without the eavesdropping issue potentially becoming part of the conversation and complicating matters.

I'm also bothered because I have a tradition of once a year going to stay with my best friend for a while, and typically stop off with my brother for a few days when I pass through his city. Last year unexpected travel complications left me burnt out, so when I made the bookings a couple of months back for this year's trip, I made it as simple as possible, including skipping the stay with my brother. I haven't yet told him, and now I'm worried that he's going to take it as me no longer socializing with neurotypical family members (even though the arrangement was made before my diagnosis). The whole thing is complicated and no longer under my control because my mother decided to share my diagnosis and her thoughts about my behavior behind my back.

Anyway, I guess I'm venting, and looking for input on whether this is as infuriating as it seems, and maybe advice on how to approach the situation.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.autism.place/post/236635

I got back into dancing salsa and bachata (colloquially known as Latin dance) a few months ago. Additionally, I've been trying to find other autistic people to socialize with, but as you might hypothesize, there aren't many of us in that community. It's a bit loud, socially complex, and generally overwhelming. Regardless, I ultimately like it so I'm trying to make it work.

In the past month, I've spotted two other auties. One was a girl I met in class. In case you aren't familiar with salsa/bachata dance classes, they are setup so that we rotate partners frequently...like every few minutes. As a girl I had never met came up to me during one of the rotations, she said, "I like your glasses," while looking at them and tapping on hers. I responded that I liked hers too. They were a bright semi-translucent mid-dark blue (a little 🤏 darker than this) and slightly shaped like that 70s cat eye style. She smile and thanked me in a way that seemed to convey we both understood each other. Then, we practiced the pattern respectfully without that invasive eye contact that most people use. She was generally quiet throughout the rest of the class. I've seen her a few times in other classes since, and everything lines up. Yesterday, I went to a social which is an unstructured dance practice. Basically, it's a event that plays loud music with the understanding that people are there to learn to dance and patrons are expected to dance with strangers non-judgmentally. During one of my noise breaks outside, I saw her in her car by herself. When I left about 30 mins later, I saw her in her car again. I plan on reaching out to her in a friendly way next time I get a chance to help her feel welcomed and relaxed. Probably will say something like, "I saw you in your car at that social. I do that too! I have to take breaks because it's too loud and chaotic for me sometimes," or something to that effect.

Two days ago, I attended a chacha dance workshop. There was a guy there that was evidently unique. Unique voice. Unique attire. Definitely has his own way of thinking. During class, it's obvious he is studying the dance. What I mean is that it seems to me that most people try to imitate the teacher and through that, they usually learn to repeat the moves. This guy was analyzing to deeply understand it (ohhh! Now I get why people say that about me sometimes!!🤯). He asked several unconventional questions, and in response to one of them, the teacher said, "I like your attention to detail." When I would glance at him as I do everyone, I would notice that he seemed to me that was checked out a few times. Most people seem generally focused on what everyone else is focused on or something else social like another person. This guy looked like he was possibly thinking about Aristotle, differential equations, dinner, or his shopping list. It's as if his eyes were disconnected from his brain. He did not seem present in the moment. After the class, there was a social. During a few of my noise breaks, I saw him outside too. In the first one, he mentioned he had taken a few breaks already because it was too loud. I had recently returned from taking a walk around the shopping center's parking lot. So I told him that I did that and that once I got around a store across the lot, the noise was much more tolerable. He basically said ok, then went inside ~30 secs later. A while after that, I go outside for another break and I catch him returning from the store area I had mentioned. This guy was also at the same social I was at where I saw the other girls in the car. I saw him sitting down by himself with a bottle of water and looking through everyone as if he were completely not present again, taking a personal 5 minute break by checking out. This social was basically the following meme in real life:

I have my suspicions of a few other regulars, but they aren't definitive like the two I mentioned above. Also, since I'm ADHD too, it's hard for me to differentiate between the three (autism, ADHD, and AuDHD) sometimes, so I can miscategorize when the presentation is impure.

Regardless, we're everywhere! It's nice to see us in places representing and taking care of each other in our own way. It's also nice to know I'm not alone there, and feel validated that we can be in dance communities too. And of course, it's helpful to see what we look like from the outside to others because just like the guy was deeply studying the dance pattern, I am deeply studying the entire environment.

If you're out there putting yourself in environments that are unusual for us, thank you! There might be another one of us there that has caught on to you and appreciates your presence ❤️

Plug for the instance dedicated to autism: [email protected]. Check out the current communities at https://lemmy.autism.place/communities

Sooooo. I've been circling this for a little. I love a good quadrant of the people I have met on here. You've had such wonderful energy and have just been some real dope ass folks. Some I don't know how to explain it. The meat of the being that I absolutely love about humans. That zhing, the soulful bits you know? But I intentionally took a fat step back from the internet as a whole because I actually dislike the way it's gone. I think we're using it as a dick rag so to speak, and taking all our frustrations and throwing them around like shit. I equally dislike what I considering bullying, which basically means sitting around and laughing at someone. As I know we've all been there, but at the end of the day I don't think promoting it in any form is really doing anything but helping it spread as a form of communication as a whole.

Reason why I am writing this? Made some love art, made some cool convos - and have overall been having a solid time. Personally don't like weed, apparently can't express that online. But that's also part of the issue. See, I get that life can't be one single way. I think all of us know that. Hell there's enough variety between all of us alone to get that. But I also don't think that there really is anywhere online currently that offers people to have multiple opinions (which is what they are) and not be seen as some kind of "flame war" or something. Which has never been my intention. I just want to express myself, because I am a human being and this is a space to do that.

But that's all to say, that when I found this PieFed I really though that I finally found a place which promoted conversation, thought, and gave you the occasional interesting tidbit or cool jam. But it seems that I was wrong, it feels more like I have entered the echo chamber that I have always sort of stood against but equally - have felt absolutely uncomfortable around as a whole. Not to add the hippie-dippie beliefs of people's energy sticking to your being like might or muck. And while I do not prescribe to toxic positivity, I think a little effort is due to one another (as a whole) because we're in dire times and we need to uplift one another or sink as a group.

But eh, this is all to say that I have been rapidly dabbling with the idea of deleting my account. Just sort of leaving the system and going back to my relatively quite life. It makes me sad in a way though, because I have had so much fun talking with you guys. As a whole, I mean I think you guys are just stellar. And it bums me out. But I also think, there's really no point in keeping something that I have seen things I expressly dislike (I suppose habits is how I'll express it). But equally, if I were being honest - and this is going to sound...heterophobic/racist I guess? I don't go out of my way to talk with white people and I don't go out of my way to talk with straight folks and I think the general consensus is that the internet is probably majority white and heterosexual. Which might be why I myself am not totally "feeling it" in the first place. But also just being a weirdo you never really have any place in life - you just don't. No matter how hard you try, you always stick out like a sore thumb. That's the reality of the matter.

And I apologize if I have rubbed some the wrong way in posting this, but could someone ultimately give me some...guidance on the matter? Or just tell my ass to press the delete button. Cause like I said, I've met some fine folk on here, but damned if there aren't some real pecker woods that remind me of why I don't really "do" the internet as a whole.

Eh, end rant. Halp?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.autism.place/post/222147

I'm excited to see what everyone else's said, if we have a lot in common, and if some of us have some funny stuff too.

Also, promoting [email protected]

cross-posted from: https://lemmit.online/post/3679280

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/dataisbeautiful by /u/xtaberry on 2024-08-14 22:27:25+00:00.

I used to be a picky eater, then as an adult i realized its not the ingredients themselves but a mix of all kinds of sensory input.

There are a lot of tastes that are nice in small amounts but i cant have em full on.

Onions went from hated to favorite after i learned this.

If you have foods you never liked, give em a chance in a completely different format and amount

For a period of three hours, it featured no loud noises nor rapid flashing lights so that people living with a variety of mental well-being disabilities, such as anxiety, could also enjoy the event.

I see this as a very welcome thing for this community!

Where do you draw the line on divergence?

Hey there! Tell us what you like! Share your interests, you might find some other buddies who share interests with you. Either way, think of this as sort of a show and tell. Share as much as you'd like. Feel free to show/link some examples if you'd like. Let's have fun with it =)!

Edit: I was as to negotiate with the ones organizing the meeting to schedule for another day. I may have been panicked because I stopped Prozac for a while. I'm really sorry for lashing out like that, and thank you for your understanding.

I'm trying to get my diagnosis. Due to my parents not accepting me receiving mental healthcare, I had to do everything in secret.

It made my life so much easier when I finally got Prozac. I could finally sleep. Little to no obsessions or intrusive thoughts. I also stopped having pica.

But I can't get a diagnosis in most places without involving my parents. Until I found someone who could give me one.

Thing is, if I miss tomorrow's appointment, I can no longer have another chance at it. The health system is clogged and all.

I had everything planned out. Told them I was going out and all. But now, I can't, because our basement got flooded and I have to stay in order to help them.

I know this is what I get for wanting the best of two worlds: my parents' support and getting behind their backs. But I just didn't want to keep suffering anymore. I just want it all to stop.

Just had to out this somewhere and this is probably the most safe space for it.

I am an ultra left anarchist so i support any progress shift in us political polls and i do get it.

I dont and wont ask people to stop using effective political memes. But whenever i see a top comment labeled these bad people as weird, i feel like i too would not be accepted, even if i know thats not what its about.

Sorry.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.autism.place/post/187191

Best autism experience (what I call reality) video/interactive simulation I've ever seen. Especially ~2:50 with that lady calling you weird and the silverware dropsztztzt🫨😵‍💫😫. I was already giving a fake smile when that happened. Whoever made this knows!

We talked stuff that works you up, how about things that you do to calm down? What techniques, activities, mantras, stims, etc. do you do to keep yourself comfortable and safe? Feel free to share what you'd like - and something kinda cool is that you might end up helping someone else down the line.

I've been starting to open my mind to changing my ideas about masking. A lot of them come from my sister who struggled very heavily with wanting to appear like everyone else and not stand out, so I'm biased based on experience.

At the same time, I recognize that forcing or pressuring people into masking when they don't understand why would be traumatic to them and ultimately do the opposite of what is intended.

I feel like unmasking should be done in private or around people who will understand it. Unmasking could in theory be done all the time, but not everyone would understand it.

What's your position on it? Do you mask in public but not in private or around only people who understand it?

I want to work on being more accepting and I have feelings in both directions.

I have been doing a lot of research about ASD and ADHD, and I would like to contribute by sharing information with other people. So, I was wondering if there is a wiki for that purpose.

To those of you with sensory issues (I believe this is pretty common, right?) have you noticed them changing as you grow older? Have they gotten easier to handle, harder, or stayed the same? In fact, if you feel like "going there" and sharing - please feel free to even express what they feel like.

No need to share what they are, if you don't feel like it. Share what you'd like.

Cross-posted from [email protected]

Cishet male. In no way do I mean offense or have I tried to take advantage of lower functioning individuals, that's just sick. Best I can figure, I'm a typical. Maybe I'm a little crazy; but who isn't.

During a discussion about my son's neurodivergency, I realized I have a 'type' of woman. (Son is technically stepson, but he's my boy.) I tend to be attracted to high functioning women that are on the spectrum.

I've been in four relationships with divergent women, three serious and two extended friends with benefits. I've been in two serious relationships with typical women. Many flings with typical women. Figure that's pretty statistically unlikely.

In my experience, divergent women tend to have a refreshing openness in communication. Painfully honest. Direct. They have some weird stuff that can be alternately cute and irritating. When sleeping they either don't like to snuggle or like being an octopus. (My preference is octopus but my wife only tolerates some side contact.) They like to discuss instead of argue. Sexually adventurous and willing to work for satisfaction. They prefer precision in statements. I find myself writing in an extended way that I don't engage in with other people and try and pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Pretty sure this doesn't apply to all women on the spectrum, just my 'type'.

I dunno, just a strange realization, especially at this stage of life. It's not a fetish, just something that has occurred.

In my 30's and only within the last few years have I been able to really introspect my life, and realize behaviors that I've "created" or "fake" in social interactions. I struggled a lot in middle/high school, and even through my 20's. I've essentially "found" myself to some degree in my 30's, but I'm actually not sure how much of it is me and how much of it is masking.

I recognize the signs when I'm being fake in interactions that would benefit from being more genuine. It's automatic, and I've noticed others take notice when it's the wrong mask at the wrong time. Which just means I get better at it, which is nice and all, but it would be cool if it wasn't such an automatic reaction.

So my question to all of you is how do you reduce masking behavior in situations or relationships where it may be beneficial or necessary to not do so?

Awkwardly I guess you could answer this with "You get better at it with time", which is true of most things. However, I'm looking for some emotionally intelligent advice or anecdotes.

Anyone else get anxiety when waiting for communication on anything soft-planned (or even hard planned for that matter)? Spiraling and all that.

Especially if the person involved is late or didn't respond. Ofc the reaction is to check in, that's what I'd want someone else to do for me if I indicated I'd do something or message someone. However, that can be interpreted as being needy or clingy when really I just want to know the plan and not be left hanging.

Life happens ofc, people gotta cancel plans, that's okay. But what really rubs things wrong is being left without information, that's when the anxiety shoots. Do you wait for them, or go do something else? If you go do something else, what happens when they're suddenly available? That's not respecting my time, so it's rude, but do you convey that?? What if you hinged your day on something, that just throws a big ass wrench in.

Everyone is living their own lives, and things happen, preventing communication. It just feels like it's more common than it used to be, or more... Negligent?

Gah.

I guess /rant really.