Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PhantasmCat on 2023-06-21 10:45:47+00:00.

So, my parents are divorced and one parent (who I'll call Angel) has full custody. Recently, there has been a lot of drama regarding the other parent (whom I'll call Taylor). They've been raising up a fuss since I haven't gone to visit them for several years (because the last visit went badly), and the court ruled I was obligated to visit them for 6 weeks during the summer. Angel knew I'd hate it, so they tried to see if Taylor would split up the visit into three 2-week visits during the summer. Taylor refused, so last summer I went down for 6 weeks.

Now, Taylor isn't abusive or does drugs or anything, they're just really bad with relationships. You'll try to express your opinion, and if they don't agree with it, they'll ignore whatever you said, like not even acknowledge you said anything, and try to push their views onto you. Taylor has also antagonized Angel when Taylor talks to people, saying that Amgel is forcing me not to visit. Overall, Taylor is condescending and acts you won't understand what you are talking about if you say something they don't like.

So, obviously, my mental health took an dive while visiting, as I was literally considering going on a hunger strike to try and convince Taylor to send me home. Finally, the 6 weeks were up, and I arrived home where I was a complete wreck.

That was a year ago. I've tried to explain to my lawyer and Taylor that I have no plans to come visit, as this summer is important. I'm 17, and need this summer to prepare for many things. I literally told them I feel like dying when I'm visiting. They've all ignored my many warnings, and Taylor still bought me a plane ticket. I have no intentions of getting on the flight. No one can physically shove me onto the airplane. So, I'm going to take lots of pictures as evidence to show Angel took me to the airport and encouraged me to go (so they don't blame Angel) and that it was my decision to miss the plane. I can already tell this is going drive Taylor crazy, but I am not capable of going to visit without having dangerous thoughts.

So, am I the jerk for deliberately missing a flight when I warned everyone involved I would not get on?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/pixieorfae on 2023-06-21 12:16:53+00:00.

My (18F) family and I went out for a meal the other day, as we are staying with my Grandma and Uncle, neither of whom have any desire or ability to cook. Since we had been traveling in the car all day for about six hours to get to where they live, a notoriously uncomfortable activity, I pulled on a simple comfortable t-shirt and a pair of leggings to meet them at the restaurant, as well as a hoodie to wear since it was raining (for context the restaurant we were meeting them at was Wetherspoons. Hardly fine dining and a t-shirt and leggings is 100% appropriate attire at face value).

When we had finished saying hello and everything and sat down, I took my hoodie off. My uncle looked at my t-shirt and immediately hissed at me asking what I was thinking wearing a t-shirt like that in public and to go back to the hotel and change. I refused because I didn't want to walk all the way back to the hotel in a thunderstorm just to change my t-shirt (the hotel is about a five minute walk away but I didn't want to delay people getting their food for fifteen minutes while I walked there, changed and came back, and also it was raining cats and dogs).

The t-shirt in question has a joking picture of the cover one of those vintage kids books published by ladybug in the 50s. It says ‘Activities for children: Let's summon demons’ and what looks to be some kind of satanic ritual happening in the middle. It's by an artist called Steven Rhodes who makes a lot of similar t-shirts and it's the first one that comes up if you Google ‘Let's summon demons t-shirt’.

My uncle is very religious (Hare-Krishna) and refused to speak to me for the rest of the evening after telling me the t-shirt was extremely inappropriate for someone my age to be wearing anyway. Honestly that was fine by me as all he actually talks about is his religion anyway so I just played hangman with my sister on the back of a kids menu until our food arrived lol.

After we left my dad said I really should just have gone back to change my t-shirt, and now he's getting shit from my uncle for allowing me to wear the t-shirt in the first place. I hate to see my dad stressed and it really was only a short walk back to the hotel to change. From my POV I really don't think the t-shirt is even that offensive however I totally recognise that I might have been the asshole for being stubborn rather than just changing. My uncle is still refusing to speak to me and I'm wondering if I should have just caved. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Key_Neighborhood8138 on 2023-06-21 11:32:18+00:00.

So my husband works crazy hours, he’s gone 6 days a week basically all day. I’m a sahm and am going to school online, and do some freelance work from home. I get zero breaks. And on his one day off each week he wants to do stuff as a family, so I still don’t get a break. Anyway, his work schedule changed so that he is going in an hour later but has to stay an hour later. I thought it was great so he could spend some time with our child in the morning and maybe I could get a shower in that’s actually uninterrupted. Well the first day of the new schedule I wake up and he’s already gone, so I call him, and he’s at the gym. And I explained it would be nice if he let me know he would be going instead of just assuming. Also, we have weights and a whole gym area in our basement (my gift to him) and so I truly don’t see why he has to go to the gym… and didn’t even know he had a membership until now. Then he explained that he’s going to use his extra time in the morning now to go to the gym before work.

So instead of me getting any break, my days are now 2 hours longer. Because he is getting up at 6 to go to the gym, then getting home at 9pm.

I also expressed that I think it’s highly unfair that I am unable to do things for my own self care without a babysitter (that I end up paying for) and that’s if you consider going to the dentist and doctor to be “self care”

Anyway, AITA for being not okay with this and standing my ground? He said he’s still going to go, and that he “can’t do all the workouts he needs from our basement”

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/The_Piece_Killer on 2023-06-21 08:59:35+00:00.

Last night, my dad and I went to a Muse concert at a stadium. It has been a rough year for both of us so we just wanted to enjoy ourselves. As soon as the concert started, we both stood up and started dancing (very badly) along with a lot of other people around us. After the first song, a man next to us asked if we were going to be standing up all night because he couldn't see. He refused to stand up because 'he had paid for the seat to sit in it' and told us to stop dancing and be seated for the rest of the show. My dad, who was probably a bit tipsy at the time, ignored him and continued standing up and dancing, causing the guy to loudly complain about us to those nearby.. I felt bad so I sat down for a couple songs but, with convincing from my dad, I got up again for the rest of the show and really enjoyed myself. The man eventually stood up for a couple of the more popular songs but I think we drove him away - halfway through the show, he left and never came back.

I can see both sides. On the one hand, it must have been very frustrating to not be able to see the stage properly and it was his choice to remain seated if he didn't want to stand. On the other hand, he went to a stadium rock gig and somehow didn't expect people to stand up. Almost everyone else around us was doing the exact same thing. I feel like it was a poor decision to sit at the back if he was so concerned about people ruining his view.

There was also another guy behind us who told us at the start that his young son, who was sat at the back with headphones in, also couldn't see. I was told that after a while the kid stood on his seat and could see but I still feel awful for that, especially because the father was quite polite about it.

AITA?

EDIT: For everyone saying that we should have bought standing tickets, this was not possible as that section was sold out. Same goes for the people saying that the man may have been disabled and should have bought disabled tickets, I have no idea if that was possible or not

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Old-Contribution4587 on 2023-06-21 06:12:56+00:00.

I’m (17M) close to her (61F) and I love her but the thought of me shaving my head is insane to me. I’ve been growing my hair out for a year and I’m starting to feel confident. My parents are pressuring me into doing it but I just don’t want to. Am I a piece of shit for not shaving my head?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Charming_Usual6227 on 2023-06-21 08:04:47+00:00.

I (30F) was visiting a different city for a weekend and staying at the home of a platonic friend (42M). His apartment has one bathroom and, every time I got up to use it, he would jump up and say he needs to use it first. At first I thought it was some kind of joke but when I asked he said it’s because I “take too long” (even when showering, I never took more than 10 minutes but when not using the shower it was significantly less than that) and he’ll just be a minute. I let it go on the first day and always let him go first because I didn’t want to criticize someone who’s hosting me even if I didn’t understand why the only time he seemed to need the bathroom was when I was headed towards it.

Things came to a head on my second and last day at his place when we were both sitting on the couch talking for an hour at night and I made a move to shower and get ready for sleep. He jumped up and said he would brush his teeth first so that he could go to bed without waiting for me to shower. I was upset because I’m sure that had I not made a move for the bathroom, he would have stayed on the couch for longer and told him that it was strange that he only remembered about brushing his teeth when I needed to use the bathroom.

He then accused me of being a disrespectful guest and making him justify why he had to brush his teeth.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Outrageous-Put-5919 on 2023-06-21 09:28:08+00:00.

My brother Bill (30M) has been trying online dating for three years but with no success. We live in a more rural area, so there aren't that many single women around his age to begin with. The ones who are available, well Bill didn't think they were good enough.

He asked me to edit his Hinge profile so he can attract a mate. I looked it over and... damn. His profile has paragraphs of what he's looking for in a woman: skinny, cute, under 30, average to high income, and lives locally. She must be into anime and gaming. The only pictures he's got are grainy selfies or pictures with one or both parents. Mostly our mom.

Bill lives with our parents and has been working as a door greeter at Walmart since he was 18.

I told Bill that he doesn't need to overhaul his page, he needs to overhaul his life. No woman meeting his wants would want to date an obese thirty-year-old living off of his parents and working a job Walmart normally gives to old people to stay busy.

Bill freaked out on me and told our mom. She's upset because I tried to tear him down when he needed my help. She wants me to apologize, but what's there to apologize? I just told Bill what was wrong and that he should consider changing his life if he really wants what he wants. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Circumsized_pasta on 2023-06-21 08:06:40+00:00.

Iam a teenage girl and basicaly my aunt and male cousin (12 years old) were staying over at my house for the holidays. My room was on the first floor, their guest room was on the second floor. My cousin always comes down from the guest room to hang out with me and my sister cause he has no siblings and no one to hang out with. I have no problem with that, but sometimes it's annoying cause he just comes in without knocking and makes himself at home in my room. I'm a very tidy and clean person, so it kinda irritated me that he just touches everything and goes on my bed with his dirty feet. My bedroom has a bathroom in it where I bathe and etc. After I bathe, I put on my clothes in my room/outside of the bathroom because my wardrobe is in my room. And with my cousin always coming in without knocking, I lock my door everytime I'm about to bathe, I sometimes forget to unlock it though, so sometimes when he's about to barge in, the door is locked. Now, because of me locking the doors, I've already avoided MANY times where he could've barged in while I'm naked.

So, when I was in the middle of putting on clothes, my mother was greeted with the locked doors. After putting on my clothes I opened it for her. She then walked in and continued to ask if I locked the doors so my cousin can't hang out with me. I said no, and said that it was cause I was putting on clothes. Then she went on about how it's rude to lock doors when we have guests, and said that I'm just making up excuses not to hang out with my cousin.

Now being the person Iam, I hate being falsely accused. So I just went off on my mom saying how is it rude if I'm changing my clothes, I need the privacy, and to also avoid my cousin seing my naked on accident, etc. My mom snapped back at me basically telling the story how he has no siblings, no one to talk with, how he's so pitiful, how he's only gonna be staying for a few weeks, and still insisted that locking the doors was rude. Then we had this argument back and forth. I didn't back off, so in the end my mom did. I then gave her the silent treatment and didn't speak to her for a long time.

AITA????

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/decordilemma on 2023-06-21 06:52:54+00:00.

I’ve (M32) been with my girlfriend (F29) for over a year now. She’s smart, funny, a bit quirky, and has a serious job with a good salary. We have a great time together and generally get along very well. The only thing is her choice in home ‘decor’ is bizarre, to put it frankly, and not something you think a normal, grown adult would be into.

Her apartment is definitely a reflection of herself and interests. Not in the best way though.

My girlfriend has wall dedicated to animation in one room of her apartment, like Futurama pieces and etchings of some weird triangle guy. Then there’s the wall of framed preserved insects in another room. But not insects like butterflies or moths. Instead she displays tarantulas, beetles, and large stick insects. Her bathroom has a subtle theme of the ocean-pretty common. But instead of starfish or shells, she has a little anglerfish nightlight, a small vampiric squid painting, and then a framed diagram of what apparently is a Goblin Shark right by the toilet.

I would say a majority of her home decor and furnishings are okay. The apartment itself is very modern and sleek. It’s just the random decor and juvenile-ish themes like cartoons, insects, and bizarre ocean creatures, is off putting.

This is where I might be the AH. I avoid bringing people over to her place, especially people from my job, because of how juvenile it looks. Everyone’s impressed when they see the high rise, but that quickly fades once you enter. The one time I brought a work colleague over they ended up telling me after that they found her insect wall terrifying. I work in finance and appearances and first impressions are important.

My office will hold casual gatherings where we get together for a few drinks, good food, and we rotate hosts. And this time, it’s my turn. The problem is my place is under some construction and not an ideal place to be right now, so I’ve been staying with my girlfriend. My girlfriend suggested that we host my colleagues here since she has the space and thinks it’ll be fun. I told her I planned on skipping my rotation and seeing if the next person would be okay with hosting early. She kept pressing on why I didn’t want them over here, so I finally said it’s because her home decor is strange and not something a grown woman would have, and also that her insect wall horrified the one colleague that did come over.

My girlfriend got mad and said at the end of the day, it’s not my space and these things bring her joy. She also said that she is indeed an adult woman, which is exactly why her apartment is decorated in such a manner.

I love my girlfriend, I do. And it’s okay to have different interests. But does an adult really need to decorate with them besides a few things here and there? I mean, my own mother asked if my girlfriend was autistic after she saw the entire apartment for the first time.

So Reddit, AITA for telling my girlfriend her home decor is the reason I won’t host a work gathering at her place?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cute-Opening2366 on 2023-06-21 09:46:23+00:00.

I (32F) and my sister (28F) have always had a strained relationship due to our differing personalities and values. While I'm more frugal and focused on saving money, my sister has always been the opposite, enjoying a lavish lifestyle and spending money without much thought. Recently, my sister got engaged to her boyfriend of only six months and immediately started planning an extravagant wedding.

When my sister announced her wedding plans, she mentioned that she expected our immediate family to contribute financially to cover the expenses. She assumed we would be willing to support her extravagant dream wedding without any hesitation. This came as a shock to me, as she had always been aware of my more practical and money-conscious approach to life.

I politely declined her request, explaining that I had been saving for my own future goals (buying a bigger apartement my future children with my husband), and that I didn't feel comfortable using my hard-earned money for an event that seemed excessive and unnecessary, especially considering the short duration of their relationship. I suggested they consider a more modest celebration that would still be meaningful without breaking the bank.

My sister was furious and accused me of being selfish, unsupportive, and jealous of her happiness. She argued that as her sister, I should be willing to make sacrifices for her big day, regardless of the cost or my personal feelings. This led to a heated argument, causing tension within our family.

Despite this, I am standing my ground and refused to fund her extravagant wedding. Our parents are sided with my sister, suggesting I reconsider my decision to maintain family harmony.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/the-grip-of-Ntropy on 2023-06-21 08:42:44+00:00.

Good morning folks,

currently I (m31) and my gf (30) are on vacation in Portugal, which is very cool. We spend the whole day together, do sunbathing, yesterday we went on a beautiful boattrip and all in all we enjoy our time together here.

However, we have a problem in our relationship, which is driving us a bit apart and we can‘t find a even ground. I like to game and I recharge myself while doing so, she doesn‘t understand it at all.

Don‘t get me wrong, i fully understand that it is not simple to live with somebody who loves it to gaze into a display all the time, which is why I heavily restrict it when we spend time together. I give her my phone while we are out and give it all to be present.

Yesterday we came home from the boattrip and wanted to grab some dinner. She went showering and wanted to wash her hair, because they were all sandy and salty from the watersplashes. While she was showering, I opened my notebook and did 1-2 quests while waiting for her to step out of the shower. This seemed to be a mistake, she didn‘t like it one bit. She came out, i finished the quest (5min) and got ready.

After dinner we went sleeping. Today i woke up at 6am, and decided to make me a coffee and to start the game while she was sleeping anyway. I left the room, and played on mute, so she could sleep in peace. My mouse and my keyboard are both extra silent, you literally hear nothing - especially when you are in the next room.

However she woke up and began to cry, and asked „how is it possible, that you use every little timeframe you get to play on that thing instead of doing something with me?“

What else can I do, than playing in timeslots where we aren‘t together? Is she right, am i the asshole here?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/tweetybirdlover on 2023-06-21 00:52:41+00:00.

A little background. My father was never really a part of my life until I became an adult. My mom had full custody of my sister and I and my father never even had visitation until I was in middle school. Even then he never used it much and then quit all together a few years after he got it. I have a half sister that he raised and at some point after he quit using his visitation rights he got remarried to a woman who already had a son who he then helped raised. When my father died it was very clear based on my step brother’s reaction that they were close and he was a good father to him. That caused a bit of resentment/hard feelings from me bc he was never that for me.

A few months ago my step brother lost his daughter to a terminal birth defect. I sent my condolences to my step mother and half sister when I found out (I don’t really know my step brother well).

Around the same time I lost my grandfather who I was extremely close to and then this weekend lost my cat. I was talking to my half sister about what a hard year it’s been and the losses I’ve experienced. She said I forgot one and mentioned my step brother’s daughter. I agreed that the death was sad but said that it didn’t really impact me like that. She made a comment about me not caring about my niece/nephews and I said of course I do. I’m extremely close to my niece and nephews (bio sister’s kids) but I don’t consider my step brother’s kids to be a part of that category. Especially since I barely know him and haven’t even ever met his kids.

Now she’s not talking to me and my step mom and uncle (father’s brother) are saying I need to apologize for being an ah to my step brother and his kids.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Witty-Couple2017 on 2023-06-21 04:42:24+00:00.

I (21 F) am currently 34 weeks pregnant. I have been with my boyfriend (23 M) for 6 years. My mother blames him for the reasoning on why me and her isn’t close at all. Which in reality she is the reason. Years of using me, taking my money, physically, verbally and emotionally manipulating me is the cause of it. She has never liked my boyfriend due to the fact that in her head she believes he “took” me from her. I was never allowed to see him and I was only allowed to leave the house to go to work. I ended up packing everything and moved out in the middle of the night when I was 20. I went no contact for a couple of months until I found out I was pregnant. I felt that I was obligated to tell my parents because this will be their grandkid. When I told my mother she said that I purposely laid on my back and she was NOT happy for me and is not happy about “that thing” inside of me. When that happened I went no contact for another month. She is now happy that my daughter will be her first grandchild, but still is not happy about who the dad is. He is not welcomed at my parents house for any circumstances. My boyfriend has never done or said anything for her to hate him as much as she does. I recently had my baby shower on June 18th and my parents were the only ones who didn’t show up. Due to all of this I only want my boyfriend in the delivery room. I don’t trust that she will keep her downgrading opinions to herself in a moment that is supposed to be joyful. When I told her about this, she said that I am selfish for taking that moment away from her. I told her that after one hour of bonding time we will welcome everyone into the room for everyone to meet our daughter. Her response to that was when I get discharged I need to bring our daughter to her house without my boyfriend so they can meet her. WIBTAH if I inform her that if she doesn’t come to the hospital to meet our daughter she won’t be allowed in our lives?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Scared-Ad-7678 on 2023-06-20 18:12:33+00:00.

TLDR: my friend who booked the airBnB got into a fight with her boyfriend, wouldn’t let us back into the AirBnB for the trip and expected us to still pay half of it

My friend (f24 “Jill”) and myself (f20) decided to take a small beach vacation. Just staying one night. We invited our fiancé‘s (both m27)

The agreement was that my friend Jill would book the Airbnb and all of that, and at the end of the trip my fiancé and I will send her all of the money involved in our portion of the trip. My fiancé and myself didn’t mind this, since we both know she is very particular about planning

The first day of the trip we were all going to drive directly to the beach, then head to the Airbnb later on to check in

For some context Jill has some sort of mental disorder. We don’t know what it is, but the second she is upset about anything she will throw a giant tantrum until she gets her way. So imagine my surprise when I’m enjoying the day at the beach, turn around, and there is Jill shouting at her fiancé’s face

After calming her down she finally told us what made her react that way. She saw him looking at another woman

After all talking it out we decided it would be best if they talked things out privately. They went back to the AirBnB while my fiancé and I stayed at the beach waiting for them to text or call to come join them(which was our agreement). We waited until about 7pm(4hours after they left)before calling them ourselves. Jill picked up and said “WHAT?” we asked if we could come back to the airBnB and she hung up on me. We called her fiancé, he picked up after a few minutes of calling and apologized, letting us know he didn’t think heading back there would be the best idea

We got a hotel for the night. We called back in the morning to ask if we were still on for our other activities, they needed up going back home

My friend sent me a zelle request for half of the AirBnB price this morning. I reminded her my fiancé and I never even got to step foot into it. Her argument was since we agreed to pay half of it before hand it doesn’t matter that we didn’t stay in it, because she only agree on the basis she would pay half it it, not all. I disagree, I’m not paying a few hundred for something I didn’t even get to use! On top of what we payed for our own hotel? No

My fiancé agrees with me that we don’t owe her anything, but he thinks we should just pay the money to get over it. I would normally agree, but I don’t want this to be a gateway. I don’t want her in the future to think she can pull the same stunt and have us pay for her poor decisions.

Aita for not paying for the AirBnB I never got to use?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sea_Equipment7904 on 2023-06-21 03:19:17+00:00.

I (F25) have been with my husband, B, (M25) for 3 years, married for 1. I get along well with his family, but his mom and one sister (F22) can be domineering. They hold & express ideas about how to live life, specific ways things need to be done, etc. Any other way is wrong to them. Def a point of frustration for me throughout the years (wedding planning & pregnancy) but when B or I have told them to back off, they’ve almost always done so. SIL is an RN and started working in L&D a month prior to my daughter’s birth.

I had a very healthy pregnancy that ended in unplanned home birth a week before my due date, while visiting his family. I woke at 3am with strong contractions and woke B who ran to get his car keys. I knew that I would not make it to the hospital. I got to the bathroom and was pantsless pulling towels under me. At this point his family is awake and following him in. He screamed at them to get more towels and I screamed at him to close the bathroom door, and he did.MIL comes with towels, then EVERYONE is coming into the bathroom while I’m buttass naked on my hands and knees in excruicating pain. I screamed at them to GTFO and was crying begging B to make them leave. B kicked them out, closed the door (not locked). MIL & SIL were banging on the door shouting that SIL needs to come in since she’s a nurse.I looked B in the eye and said if he lets anyone in before I said so, unless something started going wrong, I would seriously reconsider our marriage. He shouted at them to back off.Then I was crowning & whatever that looked like was enough for him to call in his sister, who left the door wide open for MIL to stand & watch my daughter come out of my vag as my husband caught her. Immediately SIL is grabbing at my baby, I’m shooing her hands away to hold my crying infant while screaming at my husband to get her out. He eventually kicked her out bc I couldn’t stop screaming.FIL had called 911 and they arrived within 10mins of her birth. Paramedics came in & cut the umbilical cord and let me birth the placenta. In the moments I had to sit, process, & hold my daughter before we had to go on the ambulance, B opened the door for MIL to come in & start gawking and poking at the baby.

I know B was in a panic when he shouted for his sister to come in. But not with his mom. I really want to give him grace for this espeically since he did also stood up to them and I understand his stress was high as well. I’m just having a really difficult time emotionally coping with what went down the night of my daughter’s birth and my trust is severely and likely irreparably damaged. I told him that I meant what I said that night and he was shocked.

My daughter and I have been staying with my mom and B comes to see her almost daily. I agreed to counseling and we made an appointment but they’re booked months out so it’s not until September. B is devastated. His family is telling me he didn't know my "threat" was serious bc I was in labor.AITA?

ETA clarity:

• I love my husband and don't want to get divorced, but I cannot make myself magically feel secure around him again either after this traumatic experience. I am really hoping that counseling helps in that regard.

• SIL left the door open during my birth, not my husband. MIL and SIL have been telling people the story of my birth, graphically, ever since.

• When my MIL came in the bathroom after my birth, it was because my husband opened the door specifically to let her in. He did not accidentally leave any doors open. It was me, him, and a paramedic in the bathroom with the door closed, he was sitting against the wall with me when his mother came to the door and called out to him to let her in. He got up, opened the door for her, and moved out of the way so she could enter.

• I am not restricting his access to her while we are living separately. He lives one block away from my mom's house and is welcome to come and go at will. I'm breastfeeding and she currently won't accept bottles. I am actively working to get her to consistently accept bottles so that he can take her for longer periods and overnights.