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"Oh no. Our automatic door seems to have suffered a unfortunate malfunction while you were trying to leave the premises."

Anybody idiotic enough to buy those deserve precisely what they're going to get.

That's an odd moment of apparent truthfulness. He doesn't normally have a problem telling people whatever they want to hear only to golf instead of working on making it happen.

I'll be honest: I've kind of lost count at this point, but I think - with Australia now finally included - that Trump has managed to check all the big items off on his "places to belittle, insult and threaten to invade" list. I could be wrong. We need a spreadsheet. Or a really big bingo card.

While having the peons pay the bill for it, of course. After all, taxes are for people too poor to hire one of the really smart accountants.

Le Monde caught up with the primary investigating detective as he was enjoying a chocolate croissant and a double espresso at a charming little café. He had the following comment on the case:

"Yeah, we'll be getting right on that. Everybody wants to find the culprits, and it's totally not to hand them the nice gift basket we absolutely didn't put together for them."

I don't disagree, but my problem is the ways in which it clearly isn't Fallout. Specifically, FO has some deep lore that justifies the existence, mannerisms and internecine postures of the various factions, but here it's apparently just... Waves of nutters take the first opportunity to move into a radiological quarantine zone and set up shop as conveniently thematic gangs for... reasons.

"Just think about it lads! Not only can we live in a place that'll kill us on the cellular level, but we can wear theatrical facepaint - don't ask where we're getting a steady supply of that - like a 24/7 Kiss revival concert! It'll be awesome! There'll be matching top hats for everyone. Millinery is a real growth industry in here. Mind the mercury."

But other than that, it looks fun enough.

Edit: Spelling.

While we may joke that Trump can turn everything he touches to shit by mere proximity, making a currency drop in value by announcing the US is going to be invested in propping it up is legitimately impressive in the "literally nobody else could (or would) have pulled that off" sense.

It's damn near miraculous in a wine-to-water kind of way.

Yes. My point wasn't that "they're not illegal immigrants because they pay their taxes", but that - of all the immigrants one could have - the ones that do pay taxes, while getting nothing in return for it are surely even more profitable for a state than actual citizens which can and do make use of public services.

"They kept calling us oblivious idiots for some reason."

Presumably, the IRS would only know about them if, you know, they pay their taxes.

Well, that's true. It's driving us all straight into the ground at velocities more typically associated with railgun development or orbital mechanics.