monkeytennis

I'm probably in an echo chamber. I hope that 2nd application goes well for you.

In my experience, good candidates (including interns/juniors) are still landing the roles. Hiring in tech/design/product is tough because there's a deluge of applicants who've either coasted during the boom, or been sold a lie by an educational institution.

You can spot the ones who apply for 40 jobs a week, and those who've used chatGPT a mile off, and they're usually the worst candidates, with long, bland, unfocused resumes.

LinkedIn is full of my worst ex-colleagues bemoaning the lack of opportunities, like they're entitled to it.

Please tell me if I'm being unfair. Maybe I should be less cynical.

A shameful culprit IMO was the Kermode and Mayo film review. Two wealthy broadcasters (one extremely wealthy) who left the BBC, created an objectively worse show, half of which immediately went behind a paywall. Then they started voicing atrocious adverts and wingeing that people should pay so they could keep the lights on.

They could easily have experimented with a Patreon, but the arrogance was clear.

The only upside was that I felt no pain in dropping them like a stone, but I do miss the old show and never found a good replacement.

My kids are 3 (girl) and 7 (boy), here are a few low effort things things that would win mine over:

• Let them choose what to watch and properly watch it together, no looking at your phone. Bluey is a great kids show
• Play Uno, Ludo, snakes and ladders, Dobble, snap, etc - you can team up with the 3yo
• Draw pictures together - mine love mazes, monsters, etc. There are loads of good YouTube kids drawing tutorials
• My girl loves anyone who will let her serve a tea party, and my boy loves to tell anyone about Minecraft or Mario games
• Before you go, ask the parents what small token gift you can bring, preferably a treat or a small game you can play together

If you want them to like you, you really just have to get down to their level and show genuine interest, or ask to join in. If that all sounds too much, then maybe it's not going to happen.

If successful, you might need to gently set some boundaries... But hopefully you form a nice bond with them. You don't have be an extrovert for kids to like you - I'm a firm introvert, and kids seem to gravitate towards me, like cats.

It doesn't sound like you messed up your marriage, but aside from that, your wording does not sound like you even want the relationship to survive.

For goodness sake, get financial and legal advice, no matter what you decide. And be careful what you say in regards to finances and accepting blame for things.

As for age, older folk seem to do better than your average middle aged divorced-with-kids...

I know what you mean, but it would depend on my current situation. Assuming I've had to find another job with short notice (and I'm still in my probation period) it could be a great opportunity to leverage a massive pay increase, then spend the next year planning a proper move.

I wouldn't list it as separate employment on my CV, unless I knew it was going to be scrutinised, in which case, it's easily explained and reflects pretty well - they wanted me back.

I used to meet a lot of these people in the office. They'd resign themselves to their situations and blame everyone else.

When I come across it now, I'll listen and then ask what could make it better. 50% of the time it's "does not compute" + excuses.

Choose to watch 2hrs Netflix every night or settle for a crappy job or relationship? Go for it, I'm not judging you. Bitch that it's your only option? Nope.

I used to think that's all I had the energy to do. Turns out reading a couple chapters, learning a bit of guitar, going on a short walk, journalling.. all takes minimal mental and physical energy, but feels 10x better to do. I got stuck in shitty habits and convinced myself that's all I could do.

Coddling has the negative connotation - to consistently overprotect. Occasional spoiling is an entirely different and good thing.

You missed my point. I'm ignoring nothing, I'm suggesting OP seek out men who will be supportive, because they're not hard to find.

I'm certain I could find studies as proof, but don't we all already know this to be true?

Plenty of men can deal with this, and plenty of women can't. It's not helpful to see this as a gender thing, you'll only feel more alienated. You might want to seek out some new social connections?

I've been though divorce recently and despite being very amicable, it's caused me to reset - some things broke, but being more emotionally open has been one of the good things. I'm still pretty reserved but a few things are different:

• I care a lot less about conforming to "ideals" or how anyone judges me. That means I no longer feel the fear and second guess everything I say.
• When appropriate, I ask people - especially other men - how they're doing and gently push for a genuine answer. No one's reacted negatively to that, so far.
• With my kids, I simply do the opposite to my father. I tell them I love them, I take an interest in them, and I take their feelings seriously. I don't coddle them, but I want them to feel secure and confident in talking to me. They're still young, so we'll see.
• During work 1:1s, I take a genuine interest in people, most will subtly drop hints that they had a bad weekend or are feeling tired or stressed. I used to gloss over that, now I'll ask about it and say I'm happy to listen. A surprising number will go on to share, with the bonus that it builds trust.
• If someone asks how I am, I won't lay it all out for them, but I'll be honest. Most people empathise and tell you they've been through similar. It's never been awkward, and I've found out nearly everyone I know is pretty anxious and is going through difficult stuff.

As an aside, I never watched much porn because I found it so cold and alienating. It's interesting that you found the opposite. Anyway, I'll stop there and wish you well!