UnendingQuest

world is especially dark today. Not sure how I feel about starting my day with dismemberment, slavery, and helicopter crash deaths.

I’m in my 30’s and work in tech as an educator. I’m an undiagnosed PMDD and possibly PME sufferer. I made the connection between my experience and PMDD about five years ago after struggling with my symptoms since I was a teenager, but never seeing the pattern. I have a very hard time consistently tracking my symptoms, but continue to try to do so in preparation for seeking a formal diagnosis someday. In the mean time, I experiment with supplements and lifestyle changes to help alleviate my symptoms.

In the past six months or so, I picked up on another major pattern in my life that I didn’t know about for a very long time. I suspect I have autism and am on a year-long waitlist for an assessment by a specialist. So, lately I’ve been interested in exploring the link between autism and PMDD / PME - particularly whether or not my autistic traits and the things I struggle with (sensory sensitivities, social difficulties, etc.) are exacerbated during late luteal and which of my PMDD symptoms don’t occur at all outside of this part of my cycle.

I just discovered wefwef and love it.

I somewhere along the way I came to identify as a ‘music scene’ person and do genuinely like live music during the part where the music envelopes me and makes it impossible to perceive the “noisy bar” surroundings. I’ve also always used substances as coping mechanisms - constantly drinking, immediately running out for cigarettes between sets to avoid awkward, unintelligible conversation. Now that I’ve learned how my brain works, I’ve started the “unmasking process” and am realizing that I actually feel so mentally exhausted after a night out at a bar and so drained by hanging out with drunk people who make no sense to me. I started not drinking and asking myself during and after events: am I having fun if I separate my experience from the way people around me seem to feel? Is this something I’m genuinely enjoying on the whole? I haven’t been back to a bar since and am still trying to figure out how to go enjoy live music without needing to drink or being overwhelmed by the social / sensory surroundings in between sets.

Just purged all content I had given Reddit before deleting my account. It took awhile. Happy to be here!