Tujio

Similarly, I want to know what a reach-around is.

Back home, it meant that when you're giving someone a bj, you reach around and finger their butthole.

I move out west and people are saying that it's when a guy is banging a guy from behind, he reaches around and gives the receiver a handy.

In these trying times, America needs to know.

I woke up every day worried that we'd nuked Spain overnight.

Yeah, he thinks he's using a fire extinguisher, but I'm pretty sure it's full of gasoline.

Seriously, people who don't know about William Barr should look up his dad, and realize that the asshole doesn't fall far from the tree.

I dunno man. I reeeeaaaallly wanted to smash something when Saint Anger came out.

Here in Seattle we had a polite riot after the superbowl. We were partying in the street until the light turned green, then shuffled back to the sidewalk. As soon as the light turned red again, we would flood back into the street.

Vanilla ISIS

A buddy of mine is a wine steward. He quit smoking and said "Holy shit I can taste wine again. I've just been making it up for years!"

I think it might be this. A lot of traditional media outlets are mad about twitter becoming such a necessity for them. The old guard is mad that they have to cater to this bullshit online platform. The new guard is mad at the fact that the best outlet for breaking online news is suddenly owned and operated by a fascist.

All of them want to say that x is bullshit, but they don't want to actually lose the clicks/ market share that comes with it. So they keep passive-aggressively calling it twitter.

Drunkenly thinking about it, this is kinda like calling a trans person by their dead name. Except it's insulting a shitty company led by a shithead, so I'm cool with it.

The deplorables comment was one of the nails in Hillary's coffin. We can say these things, Harris can't

For the love of god don't look it up. If you've made it this far without hearing it, just count your blessings. It's worse than you can possibly imagine.

I'm just impressed that Elon finally made something worse than the Harambe rap.