Passerby6497

You know, I've had more than one employer tell me I have to participate in fire fights discipline me for using actual fire. You'd think if they wanted me to shoot people it would be a bullet fight....

I don't remember consenting to that photo!

I was told the password policy wasn't strong enough, so I changed it, told no one, and expired all passwords just before leaving for the holiday.

I didn't hate him because I wanted to be him, I hated him because he was a gary stu, fellow-kids sort of character.

It doesn't matter how well you can tank the enemy nukes when yours alone still fuck the climate and ruin the biosphere.

But yeah, some numpty with their head up their ass probably plans on ruling over the ashes.

Because I'm bored and feeling silly while kiillng time:

Jason Vorhees
1313 Crystal Lake Rd
206-555-0123

To whom it may concern,

I discovered your Summer Camp Slasher position on StabbedIn, and I would like to know more about this position. I am a relentless killer who is up for a new challenge in murdering teens at camp. I think that I would be a good fit for this position because I have the ability to teleport, survive being shot/stabbed/set on fire, and am a dedicated problem solver.

I have 40 years of experience in menacing camp counsellors and have multiple endorsements from various local police departments. I am a dedicated killer who will keep coming back until the job is done or I am relieved of the position.

I believe this position will be a good fit for me, and I believe I will bring a lot of dread to the camp. Thank you for your consideration for this position, I look forward to meeting to discuss this opportunity and demonstrate my skills. I can be reached at the listed phone number or via email at [email protected].

Regards,

Jason Vorhees

Sure, this is close to what I use (I've tried to change it up a bit so I don't give up too much info), and I've included prompts for what to fill in. I'll admit it is very generic at this level, but you should be able to take these bones and make your own monster out of it 😁

Just remember to sell yourself to them, even if it feels icky and gross, that's what job applications are. If you do exaggerate in your cover letter/resume, keep it reasonable and be prepared to support it if/when you get interviewed!

Name
Address
Phone #

To whom it may concern,

I discovered your position <on website, from person etc>, and I would like to know more about this position. I am a <description of yourself as a professional, include something about wanting a challenge>. I think that I would be a good fit for this position because <list qualities related to the field applying for, don't be afraid to exaggerate (within reason) - sell yourself!>.

I have years of experience in and . I am <list characteristics RELEVANT TO POSITION! Reference interpersonal skills! Sell yourself to the company!>.

. , <statement about wanting to learn more/meeting them to discuss>. I can be reached at the listed phone number or via email at <your professional email>.

Regards,

heh, and republicans are going to lose their fucking minds when they start to see the consequences of the choices their leaders made. Like when fruit is like $10/lb because its all rotting in the fields because everyone who normally picked it is locked in a border ~~concentration~~ reeducation camp.

Too bad we have to live with the consequences of their choices too.

Not with the rate we have school shootings

Just make sure you put a finger and a thumb on your forehead in the shape of an L. I've heard that helps.

I wrote a media conversion script a decade ago to do that for me, but upkeep was annoying when something like FileFlows makes it stupid easy to accomplish.

I still have that script somewhere.... I bet I'll cringe reading it lol. Still, it's a great learning experience.

I was really hoping they offered a self hosting option.