Lawyerator

Yup, Scheme was the only programming language taught in our comp-sci department so we could "learn how to learn." Two years and a broken parentheses button later, and I switched to being a theatre major.

Today, my legal career stands as a testament to the pointlessness of a declared major.

The Hitler moustache sells it.

Additionally, poop in it's food (if it has any). E. Coli poisoning may help.

I now assume cake comes from a shell like a scallop. Those are its teeth. It must cost extra to have the teeth removed.