Jonathan12345

Come to think of it, the whole 'separate personality' thing is kinda like jreg. Oh no....

Was looking for my industrialist song and turned up with this unfinished one instead. Well, here goes:

I've got a small problem, most leftists ain't pure

The prospect of revisionism is too much a lure

China is revisionist, prolewiki has rats

It's time to go thermonuclear, destroy those impure brats

/

I've got almighty Hoxha, the man's on my side

They only have revisionist Deng to save their revisionist hides

I want to destroy them all, turn them into bloody smears

That's my entire life's work, gotta go thermonuclear

/

Construct some more bunkers to stop the revision army

ignore material conditions, now they can't harm me

Cower in my bunker all day and night

Let the revisionists come and then we'll fight

/

I'm no revisionist, I'm as left as they come

I'm not like those lemmygrad rats who support revisionist Deng

Listen to me for a while and then you'll understand

Why it's certain that they will be crushed by Hoxha's mighty hand

/

It was all the revisionist prolewiki's fault

they banned me so I made an alt

but then they banned those alternates, too

exposed my life story like an exhibit at the zoo

And then they told fabricated lies designed to smear the name of I and the great anti-revisionist Enver Hoxha, so that they might force me to go...

THERMONULCEAR!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is currently a very delicate time in my life. Xi Jinping, the evil dictator of China, has stolen all 14 of my underage waifu body pillows, and I am in shock from the loss. It's really a hard period of time in my life, as the chinese regime is now targeting me personally. I have had to take 7 different pseudonyms to avoid CGB agents who are seeking to capture and torture me, and on numerous occasions I have been smuggled across borders to avoid being caught by the globalist communists.

As of right now I'm typing this through a quadruple-encrypted onion Shrek goblin ring with five layers of wholesome chungus bitcoin blockchain shields. Despite this the plainclothes chinamen police officers are closing in on my location, and they are trying to take away from me my last vestiges of sanity. Please donate to me through the link below:

This

I do not actually believe personally in any of this, you have been forewarned.

/

I can't wait for the end of the world to come

It'll wipe out the dirty poors in their slums

The people I hate will beg to be let into my base

But I'll refuse them all with a grin on my face

/

I'll gather all the people that I love

We'll hide in my bunker as bombs fall from above

I'll have a farm where I grow cattle, wheat and soy

To keep away boredom I'll play vic3 and Hoi(4?)

/

To deter global warming, my base will have an AC

I'll have a machine that recycles my pee

And then we'll emerge to a nuclear wasteland

Where everything has been turned into radioactive sand

/

I'll have a hundred, no, a thousand kids

And any other survivors, in desperate bids

to maintain relevancy, will marry their kids to mine

Wow, the end of the world sounds fine!

/

My descendants will form an ethnostate

And they'll make the post-human world great

Sooner or later, they'll all ascend

And that's how humanity will rebuild from the end

/

I can't wait for the end of the world to come!

Kinda sad that I'll have to give up my current Sokoto game to get the new features and stuff, but I guess it's unavoidable. I'm pretty excited for custom units, though. What do you guys think?

So, hey, guys, it’s me, commiespammer

I think you all deserve a sort of, you know, ironic but also not ironic explanation of my political views.

Or, you know, maybe you’re just here for a funny song. I hope this is funny. It’s probably not.

Being irony poisoned is probably outdated now. But regardless— / So, I think I owe you guys a bit of an explanation

And I figured I could write a song, since I’m big on procrastination.

What are my unironic views? Have you ever wondered at all?

Am I really an ML? Am I on the left at all?

/

The truth is that I’m a centrist of sorts

I’m a communo-normie, in internet words.

Just an overton window shifted much to the left

I like basic ideals like hating wage theft.

/

Yeah, I support AES, sure, but I haven’t read much.

Maybe a few short articles like On Authority and such.

I’ve got Beyond Pink and Blue downloaded in my files

I could figure out how to open EPUBs but I’m too lazy to go the extra mile.

/

When I struggle session happens I watch from the sidelines

I’m too much of a coward to take sides, every time

What if the side I support’s really shit?

My aesthetic-leftist ego couldn’t take a bigger hit

/

Why jump into a conflict and risk being wrong?

When I could pretend like I supported the winners all along?

A centrist point of view may be infuriating to some

But I’ll just go deeper into my irony-shell to ignore what I’ve become

/

I’m not oppressed at all, I’m privileged as a leech

I’m drowning out actual concerns with my indifferent speech

I’m a self-deprecating irony poisoned piece of shit

And I’m too removed to do self crit

/

(Except as sarcastic, vaguely written slop)

/

So, have your views on me changed?

Do you now think that I’m insane?

I hate how I lack humility

Just a communo-normie🎵

/

Ha ha, I’d better log off for a few days and read a book or something!

Ask me anything! I've seen others make AMAs, and since I've wanted to make one for a long time, I finally can since I'm just following a trend now! You know, like normal people do?

Ask me anything you've always wanted to know about me, and I'll give you an ironic (or maybe sincere? It's too hard to tell at this point) answer.

I agree with good ideas, no matter left or right

Why do people argue when they could have a good ‘ol compromise?

I’m truly in the center, I think both sides are bad

Don’t folks who disagree a lot seem sad?

Now I think immigration is a delicate issue

Sure, they deserve rights but they’re stealing our jobs too

It might sound like I am sucking up to MAGAts

But I’m just being unbiased and that’s a fact

Yeah there’s income inequality but the poors are at fault

And if exploitation ceased then industry would halt

It’s because of society, I want to keep my guilt hazy

Yeah, it must be that those poor people are lazy

If you think I’m a fascist then sorry you’re wrong

I just think the white race needs more lebensraum

How hard is it to understand I’m no extreme

I stand for the middle, I never join teams

Maybe I want to genocide a few minorities,

But haven’t communist states also done bad deeds?

Stop it with your woke mind whataboutism

I never used any nazi euphemisms

So what if I want to kill some browns and yellows?

I’m still not a nazi, just an unbiased fellow

Why do leftists insist on criticizing me?

I’m not left or right, just center, why can’t they see?

It's a lazy boring sunday afternoon

Nothing on television but reruns of old cartoons

Refresh my inbox across sites again and again

Mindlessly checking for notifications

I’m so, so, extremely bored

Finding tidbits of information for my useless trivia hoard

Why can’t anything in life excite me anymore

I might be materially well off but spiritually I’m poor

I could get off youtube and do something productive

I could learn a new skill online or actually be constructive

But I’m not doing those things, I’m a procrastination master

I just scroll through my feed, ever searching faster

I’m so, so, extremely bored

Finding tidbits of information for my useless trivia hoard

Why can’t anything in life excite me anymore

I might be materially well off but spiritually I’m poor

Is there anything interesting? It stimulates my brain

Then the dopamine is gone and I’m back to numbed down pain

An article five paragraphs and then I’m moving on

Maybe in the next refresh I’ll find a decent song

I’m so, so, extremely bored

Finding tidbits of information for my useless trivia hoard

Why can’t anything in life excite me anymore

I might be materially well off but spiritually I’m poor

I look through my email again but it’s just ads and spam

I consume the messages online like a docile lamb

The posts on my favorite forums haven’t updated at all

The same old comments keep me temporarily enthralled

I’m so, so, extremely bored…

I'm so fucking done, man.... sincerely.... I'm so fucking done....

With how evil the Imperialist Chinese and Colonialist BRICS empires are! They're, like, literally commiting indigenous genocide in Antarctica (that's what the K in BRICS is for, right?), and ruthlessly exploiting the locals for resources to fuel their cybernetic hypercapitalist engines of consumption! Look, I learned all of these leftist words, so I'm a leftist now!

The Free World™️ has once again sternly reprimanded those dirty yellows and their subhuman allies for their human rights abuses and mistreatment of indigenous Antarcticans. Says an anonymous citizen of Latin South Slovenia, "The Chinese are putting more pressure onto our government to join Genocide Putin in BRICS every day. Please save us daddy Biden!"

As millions of global southerners are being displaced and their homelands destroyed by Imperialist members of China's bloc of closet nazis, the Civilized World must take action now to prevent the destruction of potential resource deposi--- uh, I mean, allies around the globe.

Chip in a few cents to help defend the Free World™️ today!

Welcome to Lindsen! It's a sub-continent to the east of the Gorsen Mountains, which are rich in mineral deposits. Sure, the soil is bad and rocky and the climate can get pretty cold, especially up north, but here there's some of the richest oil and coal deposits in the whole world! Perhaps that's why the many nations of this divided region have turned up many industrial powers, short-lived as many may be.

The largest nation in this region is the northeaster Lindsen(the country, not the continent). They are believed to be the direct descendants of the original humans who migrated here before the theorized Ice Bridge melted and cut them off permanently from their old home, where savages still reign supreme. Well, nobody knows for sure, because any ships that leave the shallow waters kilometers from shore are sure to be attacked by sea monsters.

It's not, like, superstition or anything. There are actual sea monsters, and they eat boats and stuff.

Recently, only sixty or so years ago, in fact, Lindsen entered an exciting new era as rapid scientific advances allowed for the creation of advanced machines such as birdless carriages, airships, machine manufacturies, and many such beneficial innovations. While some worry about the negative effects releasing large amounts of smoke into the air will have, little actual consequences have been detected by scientists.

With this wave of advance comes the ultimate ideology of populism----where the people choose their leaders, widely regarded as the culmination and final form of State. In the true Lindsen spirit, a compromise between the nobles and commoners was reached. Political candidates come from noble families, guaranteeing that they are educated and enlightened.

Long ago, the matriarchic ancestors of the modern Lindsenians were theorized to have migrated across the Great Ice Bridge, where the many man-eating birds and other such carnivorous animals put the hunting skills of these ancient men at the forefront of society, a trend that has continued to this day.

With recent improvements in shipbuilding, new steamers with steel bottoms will finally be able to resist the crushing bites of sea monsters. Parties have already planned for a joint expedition, which will no doubt foster unity between the many nations of Lindsen (the region, not the country). If successful, they will succeed in civilizing the savages who still remain in their homelands, and exploit the fertile soils for their own use. Surely nothing could possibly go wrong, right?