On the weekend I am planning to take psilocybin for the first time. I am generally a very careful and cautious person. During my twenties I got struck heavily by depression. What saved me from it and many bad habits that I picked up through the years was an ever increasing meditation regiment that continuously reduced the frequency of my recurring bouts of depression.
I am not sure what to do. I feel like psilocybin could be just the thing that completely cuts the remaining shackles of my depression or this is what I fear; it drives me completely insane.
Maybe meditation will bring me also there, maybe I am just too impatient. I don't know.
I am looking to rediscover genuine joy. Being able to relate to
people. I often have the feeling I can not connect to people on a fundamental level because there is this traumatizing depression with us in the room and I just think they haven't seen what I have seen.
And this separates us.
I feel undecided and it seems like I am lacking the wisdom to make a
decision.
You gauged the situation quite well. I was a bit ruffled by that answer but could feel the intent. On that day we had wonderful weather and sat on a river bank under the canopy of some trees. Sadly having fun for the sake of having fun is in my culture quite frowned upon. To a great extent I felt like I was leaving the hallucination that I call my life and view it from a different perspective. I could write much more but at the end it is just words.