CatDemons4

I’m (19F by the way, not like 50) a bad texter. I can be not dry when I want to be, but usually I’m just not up for texting. I really don’t engage with my friends. (I’m asocial).

I don’t participate in their activities. I don’t really ask them how they are, or what their interests are. I don’t even engage in deep discussion with them unless I’m up for it.

When my friend sends a video that reminded her of me or that she finds funny, I don’t click it and just ignore it.

Maybe my friends are growing apart and they text me less because of this, but I’m kind of okay with that because I know they will be there for me when I need it and because I’m genuinely just tired/bored most of the time.

One time, my friend asked me if I’d like to spend time with her, and I just point-blank said “No”. IDK if that’s rude just because I’m being honest and also because it’s not personal, I don’t want to engage with anyone.

I have anger issues, which I can’t control. I am considered conventionally attractive (though I don’t see it) and many people think I’m cool and want to be around me.

Like I said, though, I have anger issues where I will act quite aggressively towards people. One time, someone I knew said hi to me, so I screamed “I HEARD YOU”. I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).

My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.

I’m even like this with guys I’ve dated and I love them not as brothers.

Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy. (Part of the reason why I’m bi curious but never found a woman I’d date, excluding one I almost went out with).

While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]

But yeah, TLDR; My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.

I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.

(I’m so sorry, I don’t know where to post this, but I felt like confessing this as related to my possible Narcissism)

Maybe I could post this at a Discussion, Rant, or Advice community, but for now I’ll just post here. As a follow-up to my “Why am I only friends with weird people?” post, I must admit that (possibly?) as a result of being neurodivergent, I can’t help but view people as objects.

When something I do is considered “wrong” or “bad”, I genuinely don’t consider it morally wrong at all. I only know it’s wrong because someone told me it is, and if their telling me that doesn’t benefit me in some way, I tend to blame them and see them as acting irrationally.

I call my friends useless and horrible, and I really have no guilt/remorse or sympathy about that. I feel like I can treat them however I want without much remorse. In fact, I feel like most of the time, I’m right to treat people this way.

I only say this stuff to my friends and talk about it to strangers online (obviously, since I’m anonymous), no one else. This is the real me, and most people don’t accept me for me.

I believe I can feel remorse sometimes, such as if they do something that isn’t benefitting me, but I can’t really accept it most of the time. People have told me others don’t want to be by me because I’m rude, but I honestly see this as a personal attack against me. I think it’s their problem for not accepting me.

I want to maintain a good public image, so i say people should be kind and that bullying is wrong, because it’s been done to me amend doesn’t feel good. But to be honest, I couldn’t care less about how other people feel if it doesn’t impact me.

I feel like I should feel bad, and that’s why I’m confessing this.

(So in other words, my emotions are based on how I think others want me to feel. Like right now, most people would feel bad, so I feel like I should too.)

I’m a girl with ADHD, depression, and anger issues. I like to consider myself pretty fashionable and good at sports, but my only friends are weirdos?

This one girl I’m friends with has a really bad stutter and autism, for example, and I think it’s weird. She also doesn’t like sports like I do.