Homestuck

Johns Stilling going on about how busy he is testing out new items. Even though it's been around 40 pages and he’s only so far only made a cool hat. Though Rose has moved some of the work stations around to be closer and more efficient. Anyway though he can't do a montage I can do a list!

• combining the pogo ride and hammer. Instead of the hammer and pogo ride that made his pogo hammer he gets a hammer shaped pogo ride. It’s kind of useless.
• combining his new suit with his slime shirt he makes a suit with a slime icon. He combined it further with the Wise Guys Book to make the Wise Guy Slime Suite. This suite seems to be able to shoot cards from its sleeves.
• he combines his glasses with the PDA to make Serious Business Goggles. These allow for hands free communications, A very useful item! He compares it to something out of Spy Kids a movie I haven't seen. But I assume its only relation is having some kind of goggles like this. Still not sure how he controlled them.
• He combines the sledgehammer, telescope, and Sassacre text. This makes a gigantic Telescopic Sassacrusher. This hammer is too huge for John to use, but looks like it could crush an ogre.
• combining gushers and blue ectoplasm he made Hellacious Blue Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers. I’m guessing the audience wanted a “gushing granny” kinda thing. The ecoplasm came from his grandma, though we should be thankful it's only this. These gummies apparently work as healing items. Apparently they are still a product of the batter witch.
• By combining the fake arm, blue ectoplasm, and PDA. John made the Remote Ghost Gauntlet. A single gauntlet that allows him to control a spectral arm. This spectral arm is apparently very strong. He can use this to wield the Telescopic Sassacrusher.
• By combining the Remote Ghost Gauntlet with a mirror he makes a second one for his right hand.
• A combo of umbrella and straight razor makes a Barber's Best Friend. This item would be good for umbrella kind users. John mentioned there's a card for this in the study he might be able to use.
• Gushers and shaving cream makes a Betty Crocker Barbasol Bomb. It seems unstable.
• He’s able to clean the ghost dad poster, by adjusting the punch cards. He also makes a potted plant, and a Painting Of A Horse Attacking A Football Player.
• Combining the Cosby poster with a computer. Creates the CrosbyTop. Remember this was well before the world learned terrible things about Bill Crosby. Still John has a laptop now, which is handy.
• Combine Dad's hat and Problem Sleuth game. This just results in the same hat but with some candy corn inside. I friggin love candy corn!
• John tries to combine Hammer and Problem Sleuth game. But this one is super expensive. It must be awesome.
• Combining iron and pogo hammer, John makes the WrinkleFucker. This just seems like a stronger pogo hammer.

And that's everything. It seems John succeeded and made a better weapon. He’s going to need it. There’s a massive horde approaching him and he’ll be in a big fight soon. Also in a fight is Dave. It’s been awhile since we saw what he was up to. He got defeated by a puppet named Cal, then his brother beat him down the stairs. And now he’s back for more.

In a shorter battle with his brother Dave is once again beaten down. This time so badly even the record on his shirt is somehow smashed, and his sword shattered. Cal somehow got caught in the middle and destroyed in the conflict. Big bro drops the SBURB beta onto Dave's limp body then speeds off on a rocket skateboard.

I’ll indulge in some interpretations here. Dave's ego and self image is utterly destroyed here. The music and weapons Dave used got destroyed by Big Bro because those are his. Dave needs to get his own identity. I also suspect Dave actually destroyed Cal in that fight. Though he may not think of it this way, it was a win. He had no hope of defeating Big Bro, but his test was to defeat Cal. Having done that Big Bro gave him the Beta and left.

Dave informs John of his recent ass kicking.