ADHD Women

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What's a masking strategy you have that drains you the most? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by ickplant to c/adhdwomen

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For me, it's definitely trying to keep from moving too much/fidgeting. In my job, I have to sit still in front of another person for hours at a time, and I have to do my best to be grounded and present.

If I don't take my meds, I am exhausted by the end f the day from this particular masking strategy. Some of the others I use, like slowing down my speech, take little effort after years of doing it.

I feel like all of my energy has to go somewhere, so I try to dance and move around during my breaks and before/after work.

What masking strategies take the most out of you?

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[–] Travalanche 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh man... Definitely stopping myself from fidgeting, forcing eye contact, reducing the intensity of excitement/emotions, trying not to interrupt, and scripting... well, whole conversations, really. I actually never knew, until now, the reducing the intensity of excitement and emotional response was a common coping mechanism. That one has definitely caused some issues in my relationships.
For a long time, one of my biggest was keeping silent during conversations, but I've learned (with much help and patience from my wife!) to come out of my shell and speak up more.

[–] ickplant 7 points 1 year ago

reducing the intensity of excitement and emotional response was a common coping mechanism

Oh yes, most definitely is. I know I often tone done excitement via facial expression, tone of voice, body language, etc. And I'm still known as "the emotional one."

It's great that you have a supportive partner who helped you get out of your shell and speak up more during conversations. Women with ADHD tend to have pretty low self-esteem, and sometimes it takes someone else to see the good in is before we can see it ourselves. I'm sure you add a lot to the conversation!

I have a friend whom I used to be not so close with, mostly because I thought she didn't like me. She seemed standoffish because she wouldn't say much and would just look at me. Then, one night we went out for a happy hour and after some alcohol she confessed she had extreme social anxiety and didn't know what to say but really wanted to be my friend. We are now much closer, and I would never have known had she not spoken up. Just a little anecdote on how I would want everyone to speak their truth.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I’m heavily in the “script réponses to questions” camp

[–] Blaster_M 10 points 1 year ago

Ah, yes, the good old dialogue wheel. Just stick with the Paragon options, unless you like shooting and shouting.

[–] ickplant 5 points 1 year ago

I do that too, especially since English is my second language. It's so helpful to have a variety of prepared responses... otherwise my brain can freeze up and forget how to speak.

[–] Caesium 2 points 1 year ago

my entire workday is basically me just following a script. a good part of it though is that I can come up with real nasty things to say sometimes and if I want to keep my job I should never say it

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

The more I learn the better I feel about having my dog shit personality

[–] slampisko 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Dunno if I can speak here since I have a Y chromosome and I'm not even diagnosed, but for me the biggest chunks are keeping silent, reducing the intensity of emotions and scripting responses. The others not so much, though sometimes I do get a little insecure about how much eye contact is too little or too much

[–] ickplant 1 points 1 year ago

You're more than welcome to join in the discussion! Isn't it weird about the eye contact? I used to avoid it when I was younger and then I learned it was generally a good idea to make some eye contact, so then I started boring holes through people. I think I found a balance now, but it was hard for a while. I still question myself sometimes.

Generally it sounds like reducing the appearance of symptoms, like containing movements or speech or emotions, is the hardest for people.