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I guess, the classic 80s comedy staple might work - spike their food and/or drink with laxatives
Day 1: Taco and Prune juice night Day 2: Make them breakfast - coffee and bran flakes; bran muffin. Day 3: Make a cake. Chocolate. Use a pastry bag to ice it with chocolate icing. Be absolutely sure they see you squeezing out the icing onto the cake with a very satisfied, nearly orgasmic look on your face. Make eye contact. Smile. Wink.
Try the old finger trick.
Ahahahaa! Pick your sides, friends. For reference: The infamous "three days no poop" thread
Going to be legendary. (May be they are gaming us all.)
i like dried plums
An acidic drink helps ppl poop. Eg an acidic coffee, vinegar, etc
Offer them some prune juice.
This is like the third pooping related post I am seeing in a day. A bag of haribo sugar-free gummy bears will help the poop flow.
Ok, at want day are we right now
Please tell me that both of you suffer from carbon monoxide poisoning and are close to hypoxia, because I would have a hard time accepting any other explanation for that level of stupidity.