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If you both have a traumatic background, you should probably see a sex therapist, both of you. There's also a good book called come as you are by Emily Nagoski could be helpful to read.
I personally have had similar issues, and my beat advice is to be open with your partner about how you feel, and have an open dialog about it. You may not find it easy to discuss, you may even fight about it before it gets better. Regardless, I feel where you're xoming from and I wish you the best navigating this.
I agree that we both need to go through a healing program or exercise. I think I'm impatient and maybe a little resentful because I am actively pursuing self healing techniques, whereas she has all but admitted she hasn't bothered. Also, as I mentioned, communication about this is nascent and superficial so far.
I'll try the book recommendation, I think that one has been suggested to me before.
I understand being impatient. I've felt that way myself. It's a sucky feeling. Hopefully you two figure it out.
dont' over think it. Sex is important in a relationship and if one person isn't willing to do that with you, its a major problem and must be dealt with. I'm similar age as you and my wife and i have sex all the time with very few problems if any. yes, sometimes we wait because one of us is sick, or on a period, but generally right after that, we get right back to it without much delay.
you're situation isn't normal, don't gaslight yourself into thinking it is. you're a human being with needs. you don't have to "suppress" anything. now that being said, yea if you are a sex addict and watching porn all the time and asking your wife to do things she doesn't want to do, yea, thats not good. but if you're being genuine and just wanting to have some sex, and she is stonewalling you, its either time to separate, or find a compromise.