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I think I did well with the musicality of the rhythm here although I haven't written a formally structured poem in a while and that'll be what I write next.
Would love feedback on this!
The third stanza is mg favourite, the rest needs some serious cleaning up.
I can see the girl trying to force it together under any resistance..
And the snake: gagging on himself...
That poor Phoenix waking, again to its neverending fucking nightmare..
And as the moon phases out and the sun sets on her palms, she realizes that they're going ain't a damn thing but temporary..
Eternity is just another magical myth..
I fucking love this poem! It's truly good work. I've read and re-read it again and again. Saved a copy to send to a special someone, even.
Whoever ya are, you've got a goddamn beautiful way with words, homie. Never quit doing this.
Thank you! That's very nice to hear